TAURETTE

Real Name: Taurette

Identity/Class: Extradimensional (Dimension Ecch) non-terrestrial species (Taur);
   formerly toon

Occupation: A.R.M.O.R. agent

Group Membership: A.R.M.O.R. (Isabel Cabrera, Teresa Rigotti, others);
   formerly Horde of the Taurs (D.I.Y. Taur, Imposter-Syndrome Taur, Lead-Negotiator Taur, Patriarchy Taur, Pegataurs, others)

Affiliations: Mike Peterson, Scientist Supreme (Julius T. Flakfyser), Slapstick (Steve Harmon), War D.O.G.S. (War Defense Operations Guerilla Squadron: Crimson, Doc Saint, Firehouse, Fisticuffs, Hardtack, High Caliber, Rex, Sarge, Silent-But-Deadly, Snowblind, Sopworth, Winston)

Enemies: E.V.I.L. (Ecch Victorious Independence League) Ones: Gorgonzola, Lay-Zee Boyee, Legions of Skratch (Skratch Commander, Agent 83, others), the Princess, her Luna Marines
   slightly adversarial Horde of Taur (see comments)

Known Relatives: All other Taurs (brothers) (see comments)

Aliases: None

Base of Operations: formerly Taur Village, Dimension Ecch

First Appearance: Slapstick Infinite Comic#3 (December 2016)

Powers/Abilities: Taurette is a good shot with an ARMOR blaster and surprisingly adept with knives. When she had a toon body she was effectively invulnerable to any weapon not specifically designed to disrupt electroplasm, with wounds inflicted leaving harmless holes that caused her no pain nor impairment and which closed up again like water pouring into a mold, while physical impacts would distort her form while the force was applied, only for her to spring back into her original shape as soon as the force was removed. Like all Taurs she excretes gold.

 

Height: 5" (by approximation)
Weight: 0.5 lbs. (by estimation)
Eyes: Green
Hair: Purple

 

History:
(Slapstick Infinite Comic#3 (fb) - BTS) - Taurette was the only female member of the Taurs, a race of tiny centaurs that resided in Dimension Ecch (sometimes mispronounced as Dimension X). She spent her days putting up with the others Taursplaining to her and subjecting her to the male gaze. Whenever the other Taurs perceived her to be in danger (even if she actually wasn't) they'd "rescue" her, regardless of her protests or what she actually wanted.

   Like her fellows, Taurette was in constant conflict with the one person the Taurs feared, the Sorcerer Supreme of Dimension Ecch, Gorgonzola.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#5 (fb) - BTS) - Dimension Ecch had been ruled by the Overlord, until he was defeated by "the Adversary" (Earth hero Slapstick) in what became known as the electroplasm catastrophe that transformed every living being in Dimension Ecch into electroplasm "toons." Having bodies that could snap back into shape regardless of any physical harm inflicted on them, ceaseless conflict swiftly reigned between rival factions. Eventually however the Princess came along and negotiated a tentative peace, based on her having somehow discovered a way to create new toon babies, only threatened by the E.V.I.L. (Ecch Victorious Independence League) Ones who wished to overthrow her. A prophecy spread that there was a champion from another realm (Earth) who could cure everyone, returning them to normal flesh and blood (and more importantly, restore their now missing reproductive parts). However this was a lie cooked up by the Princess' Scientist Supreme to keep the rubes in line.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#1 - BTS) - Eventually one toon, Bro-Man, used his magic sword to cut his way through dimensions to Earth, intent on finding the mythical champions. Though he failed, the rift he created remained. Later using this rift...

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#3 (fb) - BTS) - the Horde of Taurs invaded Earth looking for the Champion, with Taurette among them.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#3) - Slapstick battled the invading Taurs. When the Horde was forced to retreat, Taurette was captured by Slapstick, but explained to him that she wasn't like the others, and requested political asylum in return for helping him defeat the rest of her people. She explained to Slapstick and his allies, Mike Peterson and Jenny, of the Taur fear of Gorgonzola, and suggested that the Horde would flee back to their village if they thought the sorcerer had followed them to Earth. Taking her advice, Mike threw together a hasty Gorgonzola disguise and with Taurette hiding in his fake beard (a mop head) to covertly coach him on what to say, Slapstick hoisting them into the air via a rope and pulley system so they could "fly" above the Horde. At first the ruse worked, but when the terrified Taurs began pooping gold Slapstick lost focus and let go of the rope. Mike and Taurette fell to the ground, and Taurette was thrown free. Seeing this, the Taurs assumed Gorgonzola had captured her, so while most of them attacked Steve others grabbed Taurette intending to carry her back to the Taur Village, condescendingly ignoring her telling them that she wanted to stay on Earth. Luckily for both Taurette and Mike, Slapstick intervened, pulling Mike back into the air above the Taurs and grabbing Taurette from them, only to shove her into his pants...into the interdimensional pocket therein, floating amidst the random objects he'd previously deposited therein.

   Unwilling to put up with being "rescued" Taurette grabbed a penknife that was floating nearby and cut her way back out of Slapstick's pants. As Slapstick complained to her for slicing his clothing and leaving his dignity exposed, Taurette told him he had a lot to learn about consent. Then the Taurs attacked. Instructing Mike and Taurette to withdraw, Slapstick grabbed his associate Quasimodo's anti-electroplasm ray from among the detritus that had spilled out of his split pants, and began shooting the Horde, melting them into goo but not slaying them. Slapstick's newly arrived other allies, ARMOR, then sucked them into a containment vessel. Taurette was pleased to see that the ARMOR squad was being led by another woman, Agent Teresa Rigotti, with another, Isabel Cabrera, also present, especially as her admittedly limited experience with Earth males (Slapstick basically) suggested they were imbeciles. The ARMOR squad returned to base with the goo Taurs and Taurette, leaving Slapstick and Mike to their own devices.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#4 (fb) - BTS) - Taurette immediately joined ARMOR.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#4) - Now an ARMOR agent, Taurette accompanied Rigotti and Cabrera when another dimensional breach was detected, teleporting to a street near Slapstick's house to find the aftermath of a battle between Slapstick, the War D.O.G.S. and the just departed Legions of Skratch. Taurette told the D.O.G.s to Heel and instructed one specifically, High Caliber, to drop his weapons, prompting him to respond in surprise at her having apparently gone native. Taurett watched as the D.O.G.S. leader Rex explained to Rigotti that Skratch had captured the Champion (Mike Peterson) back to Dimension Ecch, and that they had come to Earth via an Einstein-Rosen Bridge that Slapstick had opened (against explicit prior instructions not to do so from Rigotti). To rescue Mike and stop the Toon invasion once and for all, Rigotti agreed that Slapstick, the D.O.G.S. and her Armor squad, including Taurette, would use Slapstick's bridge to travel to Dimension Ecch.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#5) - Taurette accompanied Rigotti, Cabrera, Slapstick and Rex to the Princess' castle, but the locals turned hostile upon realizing that Slapstick was the Adversary who they blamed for being turned into toons, and they tried to burn him at the stake. Using her ARMOR-issue blaster Taurette joined her fellow ARMOR agents in driving them back, but it was only the intervention of the Princess that finally calmed things down. As the three Earthlings watched in surprise, the Princess launched into song explaining how she had brought peace to the realm, with the locals, even Taurette, joining in as backing dancers or singers.

   With the preamble over, the group set about their attempt to rescue Mike. While the War D.O.G.S. launched a frontal assault on E.V.I.L. HQ to provide a distraction, Taurette accompanied Slapstick, Rigotti and Cabrera to the base's secret entrance, snuck in, and confronted Gorgonzola, just as he was about to start torturing Mike. As she blasted at Gorgonzola she shouted at him that this was payback for his years harassing her brothers in the Taur Village for their gold poop. Blocking the blaster fire with a magical shield, Gorgonzola taunted her in return, promising that once the Princess was overthrown he was going to lock her and the other villagers in an outhouse right over his 401K. While he was focused on the ARMOR agents, Slapstick slipped behind him, and with the magic shield proving no impediment to him, whacked Gorgonzola from behind with his mallet, Gertie. Stunned, the mage dropped his wand, which Taurette grabbed. However, when she tried to use it to cast a spell against their foe, all she produced were small bubbles. Gorgonzola called out to the chair Mike was tied to, which transformed into a robot, Lay-Zee Boyee, and while the Chairbot attacked Slapstick, Gorgonzola reminded the others that he was known as the Sorcerer Supreme, and not because he needed a wand to cast spells; saying this, he pointed a finger at Taurette and fired off an energy bolt that sent the Taur flying. She fled as he continued to pursue her, barely distracted by Rigotti's attempts to come to Taurette's aid. Taurette's continued attempts to wield the wand initially conjured popcorn, but then as Gorgonzola lunged for her she produced a magic missile which blasted him backwards through the air, straight into the path of Lay-Zee Boyee, who Cabrera had short-circuited into the form of a giant missile which Slapstick had then batted towards the sorcerer. Moments after Gorgonzola was impaled to the wall, Rex blasted in through the ceiling, his forces having just defeated Skratch. With all her foes defeated, the Princess was now the undisputed ruler of Dimension Ecch. The group returned to her castle with the sorcerer as their prisoner, where the Princess honored them for their victory and promised her subjects that she would work tirelessly to restore their reproductive parts. Then she escorted Mike, Slapstick, Rigotti, Cabrera and Taurette into a private laboratory, where she horrified them by melting Gorgonzola down and pouring his remains into baby-shaped molds, revealing that the children she had been creating were her former enemies. As her guards took them prisoner the Princess admitted that she had no intention of restoring the inhabitants of Dimension Ecch to normal, as that would cost her the one thing that maintained her throne, her monopoly on producing new children.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#6 (FB) - BTS) - The Princess imprisoned Taurette and the two other ARMOR agents in the dungeon whole Mike and Slapstick were sent to the Arena to fight, with the Princess' intention being that Slapstick would eventually slay Mike. Eventually however the trio got a drop on their guards, got their cell door open, and a fight ensued.

(Slapstick Infinite Comic#6) - During the fight Slapstick literally dropped in, crashing through the ceiling, though the other end of his extremely extended was hooked to the windowsill of a tower high above them. Grabbing Rigotti and Cabrera, and with Taurette riding on his shoulder, Slapstick pulled in his tongue and carried them all up into the tower, where they found Mike working with the decapitated head (it's a long story) of Scientist Supreme Julius T. Flakfyser to finish a De-Animator device that would restore the inhabitants of Dimension Ecch to normal. Just then the Princess and two of her Luna Marine guards arrived, and battle commenced as Taurette and her allies tried to hold them off. As they fought Mike successfully de-tooned Dimension Ecch, barring Slapstick, who slew the now human and thus vulnerable Princess.

   Leaving the tower the group were greeted by jubilant crowds of locals, and the now flesh-and-blood Taurette led them in three cheers for Mike, while Mike admitted he found her non-toon form disturbingly attractive.

Comments: Created by Fred Van Lente, Reilly Brown and Diego Olortegui.

   In case it's not already incredibly obvious, the Taurs are a riff on the Smurfs, with a smidgen of My Little Pony thrown in. Taurette is Smurfette, not quite the only female Smurf (since some newer ones have been created since her debut) but the first female Smurf, while Gorgonzola is a nod to Smurf nemesis Gargamel.

   Presumably if she's the only female then the Taurs didn't reproduce via individual males impregnating individual females. Unless of course there used to be other female Taurs, and something happened that resulted in Taurette being the only one left. If that's the case then the male Taurs being ridiculously overprotective of her actually makes a little sense - if anything bad happened to her, then their species would be guaranteed to go extinct. Of course, while turned into toons nobody in Dimension Ecch possessed reproductive organs. Taurette calls her fellow Taurs her brothers in Slapstick Infinite Comic#5, but its unclear if (a) Patriarchy Taur (ersatz Papa Smurf) might have been the exception and considered her father, and (b) if that's a genuine familial relationship or just a term of affection. It's possible that Taurs were like some insect species, in respect of having a single queen (i.e. Taurette) who normally produced all the offspring for the village. If so, let's hope that she wasn't an actual sibling to the other Taurs.

   She worked against the Horde of the Taurs while helping Slapstick repel them from Earth, but while she found them annoying and condescending, she didn't consider them enemies (based on how she spoke of them while fighting Gorgonzola), and they definitely didn't consider her one, if only because they didn't recognize that she had sufficient agency to choose such a role.

   This profile was completed on 09/20/2026, but its publication was delayed as it was intended for the Appendix 25th anniversary's celebratory event to represent Slapstick.

Profile by Loki.

CLARIFICATIONS:
Taurette has no known connections to:

images: (without ads)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#6, p78, pan3 (main image, flesh and blood Taurette)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#3, p40, pan1 (toon Taurette in Taur outfit, standing upright, side view of face)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#3, p56, pan1 (in Slapstick's pants, toon Taurette in Taur outfit, legs bent but full face visible)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#5, p43, pan3 (headshot, shooting ARMOR firearm)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#5, p48, pan2 (full body toon shot in ARMOR uniform)

Appearances:
Slapstick Infinite Comic#3-4 (December 2016-January 2017) - Fred Van Lente (writer), Reilly Brown (writer, storyboards), Diego Olortegui (art), Jordan D. White & Darren Shan (editors)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#5 (March 2017) - Fred Van Lente (writer), Reilly Brown (writer, storyboards), Diego Olortegui (art), Darren Shan (editors)
Slapstick Infinite Comic#6 (April 2017) - Fred Van Lente (writer), Reilly Brown (writer, storyboards), Diego Olortegui (art), Jordan D. White & Darren Shan (editors)

First Posted: 09/22/2026
Last updated: 09/20/2026

Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.

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