howard_the_human-82081-mainHOWARD the HUMANhoward_the_human-80081-face

Real Name: Presumably Howard

Identity/Class: Alternate Reality (Earth-82081; see comments) human

Occupation: Private investigator (apparently)

Group Membership: None

Affiliations: Connors (when his tab is paid up), Mouse Murdock, Pete the possum, unidentified K-9 cops

Enemies: Cat Lady (Felicia) and her cat-men, Connors (when his tab is not paid up), Wilson Fisk and his ninja monkeys, Toomes and his bird-men

Known Relatives: None

Aliases: "Hairless Ape" (from Cat Lady), "Howie" (from Toomes)

Base of Operations: Unrevealed;
    at least formerly frequented Connors' Pub, New Quack City, Reality-82081;
    formerly New Quack City, Dr. Doom's Battleworld;
    he apparently lived (or at least slept) in his car (what the Cat Lady thought to be an '85 Cutlass)

First Appearance: Howard the Human#1 (October, 2015)

Powers/Abilities: Howard's primary abilities seemed to be knowing the right people and using them for information to accomplish his ends.

    Howard carried a handgun, although he didn't demonstrate any particular fighting skills, without .

    Howard was obsessively hungry for eggs (and bacon), things that were not served (or, at least, serving them was outlawed) in New Quack City.

    He also put down a substantial number of shots of alcohol, whether he had the funds for them or not.

Height: Unrevealed (there's not really any frame of reference, because we don't know how tall the anthropomorphic animals are; he appeared to be at least average human height, so perhaps 5'9" or 5'10")
Weight: Unrevealed (perhaps 160 lbs.)
Eyes: Apparently purple or a shade of blue
Hair: Blond (with orange streaks)

History: howard_the_human-80081-profile
(Secret Wars III#2 (fb) - BTS) - After Earth-82081 was destroyed in the universe-destroying incursions, New Quack City was one of the fragments preserved by the Beyonders-powered Dr. Doom on his Battleworld. It served as the domain New Quack City.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Howard occasionally received heads-ups on cases of interest from a pair of K-9 cops in return for brew (presumably coffee) and bones.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Howard occasionally received information from lawyer Mouse Murdock, as long as Howard was working on the right side of the law.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Howard racked up a 3 month bar tab at Connors' Pub. Seeking his payment, Connors hired or otherwise requested Toomes to pressure Howard.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Howard was hired by the Cat Lady to find the possum Pete for a substantial fee. As he was a snitch and had information on her, the Cat Lady wished to pay Pete to leave the city.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Howard received a call about Pete's apparent murder by his K-9 cop associates.howard_the_human-80081-gun

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <7:34 AM> - Howard delivered the brew and bones to the cops (who warned him not too touch anything or Stacy (presumably George Stacy) would have their tails) and found Pete's apparent corpse in the alley.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <9:12 AM> - Taking a few pills as he drove to her place, Howard met with the Cat Lady, informing her of Pete's apparent fate.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Not having wanted Pete killed due to the heat it would bring on her, the Cat Lady had one of her (presumptive) toms threaten Howard's life.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <11:19 AM> - As one of the Cat agents held Howard over the edge of her balcony, Howard assured her he hadn't killed Pete, but she explained the problems this would cause her. As it would take the cops at least 12 hours to track her down, she gave Howard that much time to find out who had killed Pete so she would be in the clear when the cops came for her. She further clarified that if Howard didn't resolve this that he wouldn't get his money, and he would find out that her no-killin policy didn't extend to him.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <3:48 PM> - Howard arrived in Hen's Kitchen and met with old friend Mouse Murdock. Although Murdock initially said he couldn't help Howard as he was working for Felicia, once outside the building (and free of any bugs/eavesdroppers), Murdock guided Howard to consider whether Pete had played possum (faked his death).

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <4:33 PM> - As Murdock asked Howard who would benefit most from Felicia going to prison, they were confronted by that very person, gorilla crimelord Wilson Fisk, who advised them he couldn't to share what they had discovered. Howard pulled a gun and Murdock rose his cane, warning Fisk away, but Fisk then sent his ninja monkey army after them.

    Although Howard refused to leave the "helpless blind mouse" to fight alone, he was swiftly knocked by the ninjas.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb)) <9:16 PM> - By the time Howard revived, Murdock had taken down the ninjas, although Fisk had fled in the middle of the fight.

    Murdock gave Howard a note (presumably indicating the DA's reward for finding Pete and/or his location in Connors' Pub) and told him to go to the location on it and do the right thing, while he (Murdock) would take care of Fisk.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Knowing that if he delivered Pete to the Cat Lady for the money, Toomes would take it off his hands, and that the DA had a reward for finding Pete, Howard orchestrated a confrontation to get both the Cat Lady and Toomes put away.

(Howard the Human#1) - Fleeing from the police, Howard eventually escaped them down an alley.

(Howard the Human#1 (fb) - BTS) - Wishing to the lead the cops to Connors' pub a little later, Howard left his car parked out front.

(Howard the Human#1) - At Connors' Pub, Howard noted the many things he hated about New Quack City: The smell, filth, noise and the inability to get bacon and eggs. Ordering his second shot, Howard told Connors not to be so stingy with the liquor; Connors reminded Howard of his tab, and pointed out Toomes and his four associates who were now holding him at gunpoint.

    Noting he didn't have the money, Howard proceeded to relate recent events involving Pete as he knocked back a few more drinks.

(Howard the Human#1) <11:19 PM> - Howard concluded his story, after which the Cat Lady and her men showed up, leading to an armed standoff between her men and Toomes'.

    As planned, the cops then showed up, apparently shocking one of Toomes' agents sufficiently to cause her to lay an egg. Having craved eggs for so long, Howard went a bit crazy and shouted that he would give all the money in the world for that egg, but one of the cops told Howard that he was lucky they didn't take him in with the other scumbags, and that Howard should get out of there before he changed his mind.

    Seemingly accepting this advice, Howard then called to Pete in the bathroom, and Pete came out, revealing he was indeed still alive.

    Howard then explained how he had orchestrated this to get the reward and allow Pete to testify against the Cat Lady.

    However, desperate for that egg -- that, to him, was more important than doing the right thing or getting the money -- Howard told Pete to go along with him as he put his gun to Pete's head, telling everyone he was leaving there with the egg or Pete wouldn't be playing possum ever again.



(S.H.I.E.L.D.III#10) - As the Legion of Howards closed the Omniversal Zipper on the Liverer, the various Howards were sent to the respective realities.

    The Earth-616-dwelling Howard saw a number of realities as he sought to return "home."

    Among these realities was apparently Howard the Human (in the image below, toward the top left (just right of the larger family picture, at the 11 o'clock position relative).

Comments: Created by Skottie Young and Jim Mafood.

    In case it wasn't clear, in this reality, Howard was a human in a world of anthropomorphic animals. Did he come from another reality and end up trapped in a world he never made? Probably, but it's not confirmed, so we'll leave that for the comments.

    Connors is the counterpart of the Lizard-616 (he is a lizard, he's just not called one) and owns Connors' Pub. Similarly, Toomes is the counterpart of Vulture-616, the Cat Lady is the Black Cat, the gorilla Fisk is the Kingpin, Mouse Murdock is Daredevil, etc. They just don't have the -616 codenames.

    Is there a medical term for pathologically obsessed with eggs? Ovophilia? Obviously egomaniac is completely different...

    I don't know much about cars, but these are the Oldsmobile Cutlass versions available circa 1985...maybe a Cutlass Calais? Is that what he drove?

    New Quack City is a play on (courtesy of Wikipedia):

New Jack City is a 1991 American action crime film based upon an original story and screenplay by Thomas Lee Wright and Barry Michael Cooper, and directed by Mario Van Peebles. This is the latter's directorial debut, and Van Peebles also co-stars in the film. The film stars Wesley Snipes, Ice-T, Allen Payne, Chris Rock, Mario Van Peebles, and Judd Nelson. The film was released in the United States on March 8, 1991.[2]

Wesley Snipes plays Nino Brown, a rising drug lord in New York City during the crack epidemic. Ice-T plays Scotty Appleton, a detective who vows to stop Nino's criminal activity by going undercover to work for Nino's gang.

Thanks to Daron Jensen for input/feedback.

This profile was completed 1/10/2021, but its publication was delayed as it was intended for the Appendix 20th anniversary 's celebratory event.

Profile by Snood.

Howard the Human
should be distinguished from:

images: (without ads)

Howard the Human#1, cover (main image);
       story pg. 1, panel 5 (profile, showing orange hair streaks);
       pg. 13, panel 2 (aiming gun, mostly full);
       pg. 15, panel 3 (face with gun);
       pg. 21, panel 6 (egg crazy)

Howard the Human#1 (October, 2015) - Skottie Young (writer), Jim Mafood (artist), Jon Moisan (editor)
S.H.I.E.L.D.III#10 (November, 2015) - Mark Waid (writer), Evan "Doc" Shaner (artist) Jon Moisan (assistant editor), Tom Brevoort (editor)

First posted: 09/19/2021
Last updated: 09/18/2021

Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.

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