Real
Name: Unrevealed; Nuke appears to be her actual surname
Identity/Class: Alternate reality (Earth-80360) human technology user
Occupation: Inventor, housewife
Group Membership: Cousteau Society
Affiliations: Behemoth Jack, Crazy Magazine, Gee-Whiz Kids (Elmo, Evita), Obnoxio the Clown, Irving Nebbish, the Kinetic Kids (Beezer, Brisbaine, Leo, Timmy, Vedmar), Teen Hulk (Chester Weems)
Enemies: Chemically preserved food, ecological eyesore, Farmer Brown, miniature mammoths, mutant cancer food, Wac-Man monsters
Known Relatives: Unidentified husband, Elmo (nephew), Evita (niece) (see comments)
Aliases: Aproned Avenger
Base of Operations: Her house, somewhere in the U.S.A.
First Appearance: (cameo) Crazy Magazine I#77 (August 1981);
(full) Crazy Magazine I#78 (September 1981)
Powers/Abilities: Aunty Nuke is a genius inventor, albeit more than a little...eccentric. She's able to invent any number of advanced devices, including time machines, despite her construction style appearing to consist of hammering at said inventions with tools inappropriate for the job at hand, such as ladles and frying pans. In inventing terms, she's "faster than a Cuisinart, more powerful than a hydrogen bomb, able to beat more eggs into a cheese souffle" and also "faster than a frog in a blender, stronger than dirt, able to eat more wheat germ than you can imagine." She also utilizes sesquipedalian and alliterative loquaciousness in all confabulations.
History:
(Crazy Magazine I#78) - Aunty Nuke was
once a mild-mannered housewife, but in her mid-life she began breaking
away and taking off in the company of the Gee-Whiz Kids Elmo and
Evita, and undertook a never ending battle to find truth and justice
in the American Way, with the aid of a lot of mad science!
(Crazy Magazine I#80) - From distant galaxies to the planet Earth, all pervading evil forces cowered in their sinister shadows from the aproned avenger and the Gee-Whiz Kids.
(Crazy
Magazine I#83) - Across the macroverse, the mutant minions of
eco-evil in their artificially sweetened shadows cowered
from the trio.
(Crazy Magazine I#81) - Aunty Nuke was a member of the Cousteau Society, and believed in keeping the ocean clean and other environmental concerns.
(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Aunty
built an atmospheric radar scope to predict the weather since she
didn't trust forecasts to determine when it was safe to dry a wash.
(Crazy Magazine I#77) - Aunty Nuke assisted Obnoxio the Clown, Irving Nebbish, Teen Hulk, Behemoth Jack and the Kinetic Kids in wading through the mountains of mail sent in as part of Crazy Magazine's Crazy Contest #1.
(Crazy Magazine I#78 (fb) - BTS) - Aunty Nuke let the
Gee-Whiz Kids test her latest invention, presumably some sort of washing
machine, by using it on them, literally putting them through a rinse
cycle. Later, finding it tiresome to plan
delicious meals around the nasty cancer reports from the F.D.A., Aunty
Nuke built a cancer filter machine to banish all the cancers from her
menus.
(Crazy
Magazine I#78) - The Gee-Whiz Kids popped round to
visit Aunty Nuke, but she failed to hear them knocking as she was hard
at work on her latest invention (e.g. whacking it with a ladle), so they
climbed in through the kitchen window. She gleefully explained its
purpose, and the Kids volunteered to let her try it out on them.
Agreeing that this was a wonderful idea, she vacuumed them into the
cancer filter, but became concerned when dreadful screaming noises began
emitting from the device and clambered inside determined to save her
machine. She found the two children happily crawling around, but before
she could reach them she was confronted by enraged mutant cancer food.
While she was fighting these off the Kids made a run for it, with Aunty
Nuke shouting after them that she would spank them once she caught up
with them. The three humans exited the filter device, and before the
pursuing cancer food get them Aunty used the blender on them and threw
in six trash bags, causing a messy explosion that coated the room.
Wanting to avoid having to help clean up the Kids swiftly departed while
Aunty was still stunned on the floor.
(Crazy Magazine I#79) - Aunty Nuke and the
Gee-Whiz Kids were in the supermarket, with Aunty doing her best to
ignore the Kids incessant demands and concentrate on avoiding falling
prey to the chemically preserved foods attempts to make her buy them.
Entrusting the shopping kart to the Kids while she ran a quick errand,
Aunty returned to find it now topped up with synthetic pathetic food
that had taken advantage of the gullible Elmo to get added to the
shopping. Annoyed, Aunty swiftly battled the intruders out of her
kart, and in exasperation declared the children, now themselves seated
within the kart, to be more active than Uranium-235 in nuclear
fission. She warned the pair that if they wanted to live long enough
to be mugged for their social security checks they needed to stay
clear of erythobates, cyclamates, dehydrated sulfur dioxide doused
foods, pointing out that besides being no fun, chemical indigestion
could mean that one powerful belch might detonate their tiny bodies.
Her warnings fell on deaf ears as she pushed the kart through aisles
of canned and processed foods literally crying out to be bought. With
the impressionable children clearly succumbing to the hard sell, Aunty
bounced the kart off a shelving unit, temporarily silencing both Kids
and cans, while she declaimed artificial flavors and colors and fancy
gimmicks. However, as she entered what should have been the relative
safety of the fresh produce aisle, she saw that the fruit and
vegetables were irradiated to the point of glowing. Questioning if
anything was sacred, once home Aunty began building a time machine so
she could transport them back to when food was pure.
(Crazy
Magazine I#80) - Having finished her spatiotemporal Mix-Master
time machine, Aunty climbed into the bowl and informed the
Kids of her intention to make tracks in the cosmic dust and
travel back in time to when foods were organically grown and
free of chemical additives. However Elmo and Evita were
already atop the machine switching its setting from "yucky"
past to future, believing it would hold neat things for them
to see. Spinning rapidly as they traversed the timestream,
Aunty shouted back that there were plenty of neat things to
see at nice medieval farms, but as the machine came to a halt
she realized the Kids had tricked her once again. In front of
the Mix-Master was a man wearing a full-body environment suit
blasting away at some rabbits with a futuristic automatic
weapon, and screaming that they wouldn't outsmart "Farmer
Brown" and steal his crops. Becoming aware of the interlopers
he trained his weapon on them, telling them this was his farm
and land. Aunty hastily responded that they had just come to
see his vegetables, prompting him to point at his meager crop
sitting amidst a crater-pocked landscape. When he informed the
newcomers that these were all the vegetables left, and they
were all his, Evita asked why he couldn't share, pointing out
someone in the distance firing in their direction and
suggesting those people needed food too. In response Farmer
Brown retorted that they wouldn't once his missile hit them,
and launched it. Shocked at the insane situation, Aunty
questioned what kind of life this was, and Brown responded
that it was survival. Ducking bullets flying by, Elmo tried to
reason with Brown, querying if he ever got lonely, but Brown
rebutted that he was too busy blowing people away to miss
them. With the Kids having snatched up guns to return fire at
the distant shooters, Evita paused to wonder if Brown missed
getting presents on his birthday or Christmas. Unmoved, Brown
blasted the attackers, noting that he didn't miss anything.
With the attack over Brown turned his attention back to the
time travelers, promising to finish them off so he could own
everything. Aunty and the Kids hastily retreated to the
Mix-Master, narrowly avoiding an explosion as they climbed in.
Still cheerful, Aunty asked if the Kids had learned anything
from the trip. Picking up a squidgy mess on the floor, the
replied they had learned not to leave their Chocolate bars by
the engines.
(Crazy Magazine I#81) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids out
in her boat, the Nautical Nuke II, waiting until far out into the
ocean to inform the disappointed children that they were there to
clean up an oil spill rather than go scuba diving as they had hoped.
She made Elmo hand crank her Seismatic-Smasher to dissipate the
ecological eyesore, but whether caused by her device and Elmo's
substandard effort or some other phenomenon, the oil slick revealed
itself to be sentient and malevolent. It tried to attack them, but
the kids deployed a giant spoon to skim the slick off the water's
surface, aided by a timely (and seemingly coincidental) earthquake,
and Aunty and the Kids then scooped the oil into a plastic bag. As
it ranted in impotent anger at them, telling them they would pay for
their actions, Aunty retorted that as she perceived it she would now
have a free oil supply to last her aeons.
(Crazy
Magazine I#82) - Evita built a cloning machine for a science fair,
but it activated in Aunty's laundry room, inundating them with
miniature mammoths. Aunty smashed the machine, declaiming it a bad
idea since it could "multiplicate" clones with identical
detestable traits, and ordered Evita to get the pests out her
laundry room. Smart enough to talk, the mammoths smashed Aunty's
atmospheric radar scope, deriding it for not picking up any good
TV shows. However Elmo then tricked a mammoth into huffing from a
Helium tank, causing it to all float like a balloon. Seeing their
friend getting high, the others raced to follow suit, and once
they were all airborne Elmo suggested Aunty use them as weather
balloons until she could fix her scope. As Elmo launched them out
the window, Aunty congratulated him for thinking of meteorological
mammoths; holding Evita over her head, Aunty said she wished he
could deflate "this darling dirigible." Elmo responded that it
wasn't helium that was causing Evita's condition, but a swelled
head.
(Crazy
Magazine I#83) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids to a carnival, but they
slipped away to watch TV with some bums in an alley, happy to
use something that stopped them thinking. When she tracked them
down by the smell of warm cathode tube, Evita tried to shift
blame to Elmo, claiming he had made her watch it, while Elmo
insisted he was only holding the TV for a friend. Aunty
chastised them, saying they should go out and live their lives
instead of wasting away in a dead-end alley. Resistant to the
idea, Evita responded that if real life was on TV she wouldn't
watch it, and that she wanted TV life to be real, but Aunty
insisted the vacuous video viewer wouldn't want it to be real.
Sure enough, seconds later the Kids zoned out as their minds
slipped into a TV reality (see their sub-profile for
details). Luckily for them Aunty snapped them out of this
state, decrying their behavior as primordial. Back home Aunty
sat knitting in her rocking chair in front of the fire, while
the Kids sat on the floor behind her, Evita with her nose in a
book and Elmo playing with a remote control gadget (not TV
remote). With her back to the pair Aunty noted that she was
happy they had given up television and decided to amuse
themselves with their hobbies again, apparently unaware that
Evita's book was on demolition and she had just lit the fuse to
a roll of dynamite under the rocking chair, while Elmo had stuck
a target on the chair's headrest and was now piloting a small
missile right at it.
(Crazy Magazine I#84) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids to a
park for a picnic, but fearing the surprise meal would turn
out to be liver and egg sandwiches again Elmo and Evita snuck
off to Burger Clown. Though Aunty soon noticed their absence
and gave pursuit the Kids reached the restaurant before she
could catch up. However, the food therein proved to be literal
nightmare fuel (see the Kids' sub-profile for details), until
Aunty Nuke came to their rescue, battling off the indigestible
inedibles. The Kids agreed with one another that liver and egg
sandwiches had to taste better than Burger Clown's food, and
were horrified when Aunty announced a slight modification from
their normal dietary program and produced burgers and fries
from her basket.
(Crazy Magazine I#85) - Aunty Nuke took
the Gee Whiz Kids to camp out under the stars in the Arizona
desert, intending to show them the state's natural resources
the next day while the sun heated the solar collector on
their Autosun. However, when Aunty Nuke was woken the next
morning by Elmo's dulcet tones demanding breakfast, the
sunlight revealed that the entire desert had been converted
into a gargantuan war supply warehouse, with the noses of
countless missiles poking up through the desert floor. Aunty
despairingly queried the fate of the natural vegetation and
little native animals, until Elmo drew her attention to a
nearby prairie dog colony...which moments later was launched
skywards atop one of the missiles. Bemoaning the military
madness Aunty Nuke packed the Kids into the car and
suggested the could observe the fifty foot cacti at Saguaro
National Monument. Evita demanded to see the Grand Canyon
first, but Aunty ignored her, only to discover the fabled
cacti were now more missiles now camouflaged as the desert
blooms. Similarly they found the Grand Canyon housing yet
more giant rockets, so Aunty Nuke took up Elmo's new
suggestion that they visit an Indian reservation, believing
that at least there they would be able to experience things
as they used to be. To her disappointment it turned out the
reservation had stopped selling peace pipes and arrow heads
as pseudo souvenirs some time ago and switched to MX
trinkets and war bonnet papooses, and yet more missiles were
hidden under the teepees. With apparently the entire state
one large missile silo, Evita noted that having so many
missiles hidden all in one place seemed a dumb idea. They
set off down the road with trucks hauling yet more missiles
passing on both sides of the road. Elmo concluded they were
just sitting ducks while on this missile range, to which
Aunty Nuke suggested they evacuate before the land elevation
they were on get dropped permanently below sea level, and
drove them over the state line and out of Arizona.
(Crazy Magazine I#86) -
Elmo and Evita surprised Aunty Nuke with a birthday carrot
cake, much to her delight, though she did suggest it might
have been even better had they chopped the carrots into
more edible proportions, since the completely intact
carrots were pulling themselves free from the cake in an
effort to escape the raging inferno of candles atop it.
Aunty opened Elmo's present to her, which turned out to be
a "Galactical Good Guy Transport" miniature spaceship.
After launching it to fly around the room under Elmo's
remote control, Aunty opened Evita's gift, finding a
Satellite Stella robot and her Dollhouse Dwelling. Seeking
to demonstrate how the robot could walk, Evita activated
it, but as it stumbled clumsily along it emitted a painful
grinding klanking noise, prompting Elmo to derisively
laugh at it "talking too." Evita broke into tears, upset
that the toy was not how the commercials had made out, and
Elmo taunted her, asking how Aunty was supposed to use the
plastic robot to defend herself. Enraged, Evita retorted
"Like this!" and smashed Elmo over the head with Stella.
The Kids broke into a fight which Aunty defused by
pointing out that "It's not the physical substance you
obtain, it's the cerebration that computes!" (It's not the
kind of present you receive, it's the thought that
counts). With that she suggested they celebrate the day by
visiting the Astro Amusement Park, but this only upset
them more as they revealed they had borrowed a couple of
months' allowance to pay for the gifts.
(Crazy
Magazine I#87) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids downstream from
several industrial plants that were dumping their
carcinogenic waste into a tributary of the Niagra river
so they could test Evita's new deterger-detoxifier and
cleanse the waters. However Elmo refused to help,
stating that they kept going places where he never had
any fun. Declaring the garbage-filled water looked fine
and that no one but Aunty was complaining about it, he
sat down to fish. Aunty disagreed, insisting that if he
looked more closely he would see the fish were
marinating in mercury, and Evita taunted him that she
would become famous when her machine succeeded. Over the
course of two hours of unsuccessful fishing Elmo became
increasingly jealous that Evita seemed to be having all
the fun, riding around on her device. Meanwhile Evita's
device was proving a success, and Aunty proudly informed
Evita that she might get an article in either National
Geographic or Scientific American. However Evita wanted
to be featured in People Magazine and when Aunty
denigrated the option, declaring that only egotistical
eggheads pondered such ridiculous reverie, Evita decided
she didn't want to clean up the river anyway and stepped
down from her machine. Seizing his chance, Elmo
immediately hopped on board shouting that he wanted to
help Aunty, prompting Evita to fear he would claim all
the credit for cleaning the river himself. However Elmo
switched the deterger-detoxifier into too high a gear,
and instead of cleaning it tripled the toxins, doubled
the dioxins and multiplied the mirex. Some time later
back at Aunty's house Evita checked out the newspapers
which carried headlines "Toxic Terror" and proudly
stated that she had informed and educated people about
the Niagra pollution, and made them aware of her
invention. Aunty Nuke agreed, in as much as the public
were now aware that the deterger-detoxifier was more of
a carcinogenic cataclysm than the chemical companies.
(Crazy
Magazine I#88) - In April Evita commented on the burnt
nature of Aunty Nuke's garden after a downpour,
stating that she thought April showers were meant to
bring May flowers. Glancing at the departing clouds,
Aunty replied that it appeared that the combustion of
fossil fuels had turned into acid in the rainstorm,
hence the burned vegetation. Elmo didn't care, as he
had discovered a metallic rainbow, another side effect
of the pollution, and an argument erupted as Evita
tried to take it from him. As another downpour began
Aunty dragged the pair into the greenhouse, noting
that she refused to breed acid-resistant plants; the
Kids meanwhile argued over who would own the next
rainbow to appear. Having a stock of lime on hand to
neutralize acid in the soil, Aunty began shoveling it
into a wheelbarrow, planning to launch it into the
rainclouds to neutralize the polluted precipitation,
but this upset Evita, who believed it would prevent
her ever getting her own rainbow, and the child
angrily insisted acidic and alkaline water was all the
same. As Evita began crying, Aunty corrected her poor
science, reminding her that she had taught her the
difference between the two and about the PH scale, and
as the acid began eating away at the greenhouse and
Aunty created a gigantic catapult by nailing the ends
of a huge rubber band to the greenhouse door frame,
she instructed Elmo to calm Evita by giving her his
rainbow, promising him the next one would be in color
for him. Jumping into the wheelbarrow, Elmo agreed,
but added the condition that he also had to get a pot
of gold to go with it. This only annoyed Evita
further, and she angrily decried it was unfair that
Elmo got all the good stuff and she wanted a color one
too. As Aunty strained to pull the wheelbarrow back in
the catapult, Elmo taunted Evita, who shoved him
backwards just before Aunty let go. Prevented from
exiting at the crucial moment, Elmo was launched into
the stratosphere with the wheelbarrow, leading Aunty
to note her surprise as she hadn't realized Elmo held
an interest in atmospheric conditions. The rain turned
to snow, and Aunty commented that she would have to
report the unusual phenomenon to the U.S. Weather
Bureau; however Evita's attention was on Elmo, now
sitting atop a cloud, and as she avoided a snowball he
threw she responded to Aunty saying it was not an
unusual phenomena but the usual nuisance, and that she
would call the Armed Forces instead.
(Crazy
Magazine I#89) - Seeking an environmental means to
remove coal from underground without blasting or
mining, Aunty Nuke took funding from the government
and coal industry and built a prototype extraction
machine. She invited the Kids to accompany her on
her test drive in a mine, during which Elmo
suggested they dump the coal companies and go into
business for themselves. When Aunty declined,
stating that it was not a commercial venture but a
joint effort between the carboniferous companies and
environmentalists to protect the land, Evita
translated this to mean they would get on TV
instead. The two Kids conspired, Elmo driven by
greed and Evita by her desire not to be kept in the
shadows by Aunty's spotlight of successes, and
together they lunged at Aunty to push her away from
the controls and take over themselves. Shoved off
the front of the machine, Aunty was run over into
the thankfully soft earth, emerging a few moments
later to find that the Kids fighting over the
controls had reshaped the ground in front of the
mine into giant effigies of themselves. As Elmo
gloated about the money he hoped to make and Evita
exclaimed that the giant heads would make for a
great GEO cover, Aunty expressed the hope that they
might get a natural catastrophe to preserve the mine
from the delinquent pair.
(Crazy Magazine I#90) -
Discovering that her molecular microcomputer mixer
was missing Aunt Nuke deduced that the Kids had
taken it to the arcade, and caught up with them
after they had used her device to program
themselves into the game Wac-Man. They dismissed
her telling them they were wasting their sunny
days inside a vacuous video game until they
suddenly realized that by leaving the game
controls outside they had no way to prevent the
monsters stomping them. As they fled round the
maze with creatures in hot pursuit Aunty used the
mixer to reprogram the board, blowing the game up
and returning the trio to reality. The ungrateful
Kids berated Aunty for blowing up their favorite
game, insisting the summer would now be boring,
but Aunty countered that the real fun would be in
reassembling and programming the game, which would
give them an exciting summer to recount to their
friends back at school.
Comments: Created by Susan Bissett and Steven Smallwood.
While she doesn't state outright that Elmo and Evita are her nephew and
niece, I'm running on the ASSumption that the reason they call her
"Aunty" Nuke is because she is their actual aunt. Similarly, we never
see a husband, but since she's described as once being a mild-mannered
housewife, she had to be married at some point; maybe she
was widowed or divorced before the series' start or maybe the husband
was still around but just smart enough to stay out of the way while she
was engaging in mad science, and thus avoided appearing on panel.
Aunty Nuke's strip debuted in Crazy
Magazine#78, but she made her first actual appearance the issue before
in the header for a contest, appearing alongside all the other
then-regular Crazy characters (but not Howard the Duck, who had a Crazy
strip but began elsewhere).
Profile by Loki.
CLARIFICATIONS:
Aunty Nuke has no known connections to
(Crazy
Magazine I#78-90) - Elmo and Evita frequently
visited Aunty Nuke and enjoyed playing with her inventions; sadly
they were also as immature as their ages might suggest and often
caused trouble through their selfish choices and frequent
bickering.
(Crazy
Magazine I#85, 87) - Elmo nicknamed Evita "Megamouth."
(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Despite her youth Evita was a scientific genius like
Aunty, though this didn't ameliorate her inability to think through
the consequences of her actions.
(Crazy Magazine I#78 (fb) - BTS) - Aunty Nuke put Elmo and Evita through the rinse cycle of one of her devices.
(Crazy Magazine I#78) - Elmo and Evita
visited Aunty Nuke to find her finishing work on her new cancer filter
machine. Elmo stated that he wished they could help, adding that if he
and Evita had cancer should could test the device out on them.
Pronouncing this a wonderful idea Aunty vacuumed both children into the
machine, but followed a few moments later fearing for her machine. The
kids meanwhile crawled around inside cheerfully agreeing that it was fun
when Aunty let them help with her experiments, and was definitely more
fun than going through the rinse cycle like last time. Ignored by the
mutant cancer foods within, they abandoned Aunty to fight them off
alone, prompting her to shout that she would brighten their tushies
tomato red when she caught up with them. Racing to keep ahead of Aunty,
Elmo shouted back to Evita declaring Aunty the greatest, because who
else would try and save them from getting cancer? They all exited the
machine and Aunty blew it up stopping the cancer foods from following.
Glancing at the resulting mess, Elmo and Evita made a hurried exit
before the stunned Aunty could recover and make them help clean up.
(Crazy Magazine I#79) - The Kids
accompanied Aunty to the supermarket, where Evita harangued Aunty for a
chance to help shop while Elmo threw a strop demanding to ride in the
wagon. When Aunty foolishly entrusted the pair with the kart for a
moment while she nipped to another part of the store, the processed food
around them began clamoring to be added and Evita began checking Aunty's
shopping list, declaring she would help Aunty shop; insisting he would
show her how it was done, Elmo went into a whirlwind of action throwing
everything within reach into the kart. With it full to overflowing he
proudly declared he didn't need any sissy list to shop, but Evita
retorted that Aunty wouldn't like what he'd added to the kart. Sure
enough, moments later Aunty returned, literally beating back the
synthetic pathetic food and telling it to hit the shelves. Elmo
immediately declared that he had told Evita not to let them jump in the
kart but she had claimed Aunty had said it was okay. Evita burst into
tears at this blatant blame shifting and called Elmo a liar. Aunty
tossed the pair into the kart, with Evita still protesting her innocence
and Elmo simply pleased that he was getting a ride after all. As she
raced along seeking to evade the processed foods that were now crying
out "Buy me! Try me!" Aunty warned the Kids against falling victim to
them, but the Kids ignored her, Evita enamored of all the pretty
packaging and Elmo demanding coupons. Aunty stood firm though, banging
the wagon off the shelves to stun the Kids until she reached the fruit
and vegetable section. However, upon seeing it full of irradiated food
she took the Kids home and began working on a time machine.
(Crazy Magazine I#80) - Aunty finished
her new time machine and stated her intention to take the Kids to the
past, but before she could Elmo switched its setting to take them to the
future, which he deemed more interesting. They found it a desolate
wasteland, bar the tiny farm they landed on. The owner, Farmer Brown, threatened them with his gun, and informed
them that the meager crops were all his. Spotting seem people in the
distance, Evita asked why he didn't share with them, even as the
newcomers opened fire. While Brown launched a missile Evita had a look
inside the farmer's nearby tank, then both kids grabbed up guns to join
in shooting at the attackers until Brown finished them off with heavy
artillery. As he turned his murderous attention back towards the time
travelers, the Kids and Aunty rushed back to their time machine and
hastily departed.
(Crazy Magazine I#81) - The Kids
accompanied Aunty out in her boat but were upset to learn that she
intended to have them help clean up an oil slick rather than go scuba
diving. Aunty made a disgruntled Elmo hand crank her seismic-smasher to
break up the slick, while Evita berated him for not doing so swiftly
enough, insisting it was his fault they wouldn't get to go in the water.
However the device drew the ire of the slick, which threatened the boat
and tried to justify its existence. Disagreeing that the benefits the
slick outlaid were worth the damage to the fish, Evita rejected Elmo's
suggestion of burning the oil in favor of trying to skim it off the
water surface with a giant spoon. This failed to work but when an
earthquake dislodged the slick from the water temporarily, the Kids
helped Aunty quickly scoop it up into a plastic bag.
(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Evita built a
cloning machine for the upcoming science fair but it unleashed a horde
of miniature mammoths into Aunty's laundry room. Evita proudly
proclaimed that she intended to go into the "sinuses" (sciences) when
she grew up, as she had a "purchase" (purpose) in life, to clone all the
"in-dangered feces" (endangered species). Aunty told her this was a bad
idea and instructed her to remove the mammoths, but Evita resisted
because they were the result of her prized experiment. However Elmo
convinced the mammoths to inhale helium, causing them to float round the
room, and then suggested Aunty use them as weather balloons. Evita
warned Elmo that she wouldn't let him abuse the animals, but he launched
them out a window anyway, while Aunty held the pride-filled Evita over
her head.
(Crazy Magazine I#83) - While
attending a carnival Elmo and Evita spotted some tramps watching
television in an alley and slipped away from Aunty to join the hobos.
Aunty soon tracked them down, and wasn't fooled either by Evita laying
the blame on Elmo or Elmo claiming he was only holding on to the set for
a friend. Aunty warned them to live their lives instead of wasting them,
and when Evita insisted she wished TV was real life, Aunty told her she
wouldn't want it to be real. Seconds later both kids' eyes developed
lines across their vision, and Evita despaired that Aunty might be
correct, because she was losing her horizontal hold. Elmo was
unconcerned though, telling Evita to relax as this always happened the
first time you were on TV. The shocked Kids found themselves suddenly in
the midst of a shoot-out between Obnoxio's clowns and the rival gang
consisting of Star Trek's Spock, I Dream of Jeannie's genie Jeannie and
police detective Kojak. Deciding it might be safer to go to the Kiddy
Kar ride, the Kids switched channels to appear in the path of racing
trucks, cars and stagecoaches, with all three sets of passengers
shooting at them. Running in terror Elmo declared it was time for a
commercial break while Evita wailed at him to change the channel,
blaming him for their predicament and calling for Aunty Nuke. The pair
continued to freak out at their surroundings until Aunty Nuke suddenly
brought them to their senses, albeit still in a state of terror. Evita
continued to blame Elmo for showing her television, but both Kids
eventually calmed down once back at Aunty's. Evita sat down to read a
book about explosives while Elmo played with a radio control device;
Aunty sat in her rocking chair, happy they had returned to better
hobbies and apparently unaware that Evita had planted dynamite under her
seat while Elmo was piloting a missile at the back of her head.
(Crazy Magazine I#84) - Fearing
Aunty's food choices, Elmo and Evita made a dash for a nearby Burger
Clown when Aunty took them out for a picnic. Making it inside before
Aunty could catch up with them, they gleefully accepted free clown hats
and noses but when they entered burger boulevard Elmo rejected the
horsemeat burgers in disgust, while Evita decried the greasy gray food.
Deciding to try a malt from the vanilla and chocolate malt fall, Elmo
found it to consist of yucky watery ice milk, rather than real milk and
ice cream. Trying to cross the malt river they were confronted by
sentient burgers and fries; Elmo noted they were covered in sugar and
told Evita they needed to get out of there, but the "food" insisted the
kids couldn't go until they had eaten. Evita began crying and blaming
Elmo for talking her into coming there, but as the pair were swept up in
the rising malt waters Aunty came to the rescue, wading in to beat back
the indigestible food. Returning to the picnic, the Kids were horrified
when Aunty produced burgers and fries for them out of her basket.
(Crazy Magazine I#85) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids camping in the Arizona desert. Trying to sleep under the stars Elmo was kept awake by Evita pouring dirt in his ear, and he threatened to smash her face if Aunty didn't make her stop. When Aunty was woken the next morning by the Kids requesting breakfast, she saw to her dismay that the desert had been turned into a missile silo, with the noses of countless nukes sticking out the ground. However Elmo excitedly spotted a prairie dog colony, just in time for them to witness the hapless rodents launched into orbit atop a firing missile, much to Evita's distress. As Aunty hastily packed them off in her car, stating they would visit the cacti at Saguaro National Monument, Evita bawled that she had been promised a chance to see the Grand Canyon first, complaining that she already had enough pictures of "cactuses." Calling her a megamouth, Elmo retorted that if she wanted to see a Grand Canyon she should just look at her face in the rear view mirror, and the began fighting in the back seat. Evita was placated when they finally visited the Canyon, but Elmo declared himself bored; as the two women stood at the Canyon's edge he hacked away at the ledge they were on with a pick-axe, suggesting they take a closer look, and demanded to see Indians. Upon discovering that even the Indian Reservation was being used to hide missiles, Evita proclaimed it a bad idea to hide so many missiles all in the one place (Arizona, not the reservation), stating that even Elmo wouldn't be that dumb. The trio fled the state, with Elmo proclaiming themselves "sitting ducks on this missile range" as they passed between 18-wheelers carrying yet more missiles.
(Crazy Magazine I#86 (fb) - BTS) -With
Aunty's birthday approaching the Kids borrowed a couple of months'
allowance to buy her gifts.
(Crazy
Magazine I#86) - Evita made Aunty Nuke's favorite
carrot cake for Aunty's birthday, though she failed to chop up the
carrots into edible proportions resulting in them surviving the baking
process and making a mass escape attempt once the conflagration of
candles atop the cake were lit. Elmo warned Aunty to open his present
first, before she ate some of the cake, or else this would be her last
birthday (the wording makes it hard to say whether he was threatening
her or suggesting the cake was so bad it would poison her), enraging
Evita. His gift proved to be a Galactic Good-Guy Transport toy
spaceship, with which Elmo stated she could now protect the universe
from Terrestrial Trobots. Aunty declared his present sweet, but as the
spaceship took to the air Evita derided it as stupid. Aunty then opened
Evita's gift, a Satellite Stella doll and its Dollhouse Dwelling. Eager
to demonstrate her gift's walking ability, Evita pressed its activation
button, but was mortified as it clumsily stumbled forward accompanied by
the sound of grinding gears. Rolling round in laughter, Elmo taunted
Evita by describing the noise as the doll talking, and Evita became
distraught that the doll's performance didn't match the version in the
adverts. While Aunty tried to calm Evita, Elmo continued his gibes,
stating that the doll was wimpy, and querying how a plastic droid could
protect Aunty from Trobots; Evita promptly demonstrated how by smashing
Elmo over the head with Stella. The pair began throwing things at one
another, until Aunty intervened, telling them that it was the thought
that counted rather than the present, and suggesting she take them to
Astro Amusement Park to celebrate. However this merely upset them more,
as they recounted how they had borrowed the money to buy her gifts.
(Crazy
Magazine I#87) - After Evita built a
deterger-detoxifier, Aunty took the Kids to a tributary to the Niagra
River downstream from multiple factories dumping their waste into the
water to test the devices's ability to clean up the pollution. Already
bored, Elmo declared that Aunty never took them anywhere fun and sat
down to fish, insisting the visibly toxic water was perfectly fine.
Aunty vocally disagreed, and Evita seized the opportunity to taunt Elmo
that he could sit and rot with the smelly, contaminated fish while she
would become famous once her machine was successful and would get her
face in the newspapers. Elmo sat sulking for two hours as Evita rode
around on her detoxifier, gleefully yelling its success, but when Aunty
let slip that she thought Evita would get a write-up in serious journals
but not People Magazine, the disenchanted youth decided she couldn't be
bothered cleaning up the river after all. Making a dash for the
abandoned detoxifier, Elmo began riding it, ignoring Aunty's warnings
that he was driving it too fast and so increasing the toxins rather then
neutralizing them. Worrying that Aunty would clean up the river and Elmo
would claim all the credit, Evita demanded in vain that he dismount her
device. A while later, back at Aunty's house, Evita proudly pointed out
the front page newspaper articles mentioning both her and her invention,
though Aunty was quick to point out that this was because they were
picturing her under the headline "Toxic Terror."
(Crazy Magazine I#88) - Noticing that
Aunty's vegetable garden was burned following a downpour, Evita asked
quizzically about the veracity of the saying that April showers brought
May flowers, and Aunty informed her that pollution had turned the rain
acidic. Meanwhile behind them Elmo had discovered a rainbow turned solid
metal by the unorthodox precipitation. After using it as a slide, Elmo
made it clear he didn't care about the damage done, since he had his
prize and thought it would be worth a fortune. Evita immediately
informed him that he couldn't have it since she wanted it, and the fight
might have escalated had it not begun raining again. Elmo gleefully
predicted this would give him another rainbow, ignoring Evita's
protestations that the next one was hers. They took shelter in the
greenhouse, where Evita had a tantrum upon hearing Aunty's plans to
neutralize the acid rain, believing this would deny her to have her own
rainbow, and she angrily insisted their was no difference in the rain
whether it was acid or alkaline. She was deaf to Aunty's attempts to
correct this flagrant rejection of science, so Aunty tried to calm her
by telling Elmo to give Evita his rainbow, promising Elmo that the next
one would be in color for him. As Elmo agreed on the understanding it
would also come with a pot of gold at the end, he jumped atop the
wheelbarrow that Aunty had been loading with lime to neutralize the
acid. Evita was no placated by this compromise, noting she wanted a
color rainbow too, and the two exchanged taunts while Aunty prepared to
launch the wheelbarrow using a large elastic band. Distracted by their
row and pushed back into the wheelbarrow at the crucial juncture, a
surprised Elmo was launched with it into the clouds, but as the rain
turned to snow when exposed to the lime, Elmo made the best of things by
throwing snowballs down at Evita, who suggested Aunty call the Armed
Forces to shoot him down.
(Crazy
Magazine I#89) - Aunty dragged the Kids up a
mountain to test out her new environmentally-friendly coal excavating
machine. Evita got excited at the prospect of becoming famous if it
successfully revolutionized the mining industry, but Elmo became
obsessed at the idea of keeping the invention for themselves and going
into business, foreseeing riches. When Aunty countered that her machine
was not intended for commercial gain, Evita interpreted this to mean
they would be on public TV instead. Elmo decided that the coal companies
didn't own the mountain and he wanted to claim what was beneath it,
while Evita reasoned that she was tired of being always squashed in the
shadows of the spotlights of Aunty's successes, so the pair joined
forces to oust control of the vehicle from her and shoved her out into
its path. The delinquent pair gleefully ran Aunty over (into the
thankfully soft ground) but argued over who should drive, their wild
shenanigans ultimately reshaping the mountaintop into gigantic busts of
themselves, much to both Kids' delight.
(Crazy Magazine I#90 (fb) - BTS)
- Elmo and Evita pinched Aunty's molecular microcomputer mixer and
took it to the arcade, where they used it to enter the virtual world
of their favorite game, Wac-Man.
(Crazy Magazine I#90) - Aunty soon tracked them down, finding them happily running around the game's maze pursued by its monsters, but when she tried to convince them to depart Elmo told Evita he was tired of her telling them what to do and convinced Evita to watch the monsters stomp Aunty. Though initially agreeable to this, Evita noticed the flaw in Elmo's plan when she realized that since Elmo had left the controls outside they had no way of stomping the rapidly approaching menacing monsters themselves. The Kids fled in terror, crying out for Aunty to figure out a way to save them before they were caught and electronically frazzled. In the nick of time Aunty used the mixer to blow the game and its monsters up, leaving the trio sitting unharmed in the wreckage. The ungrateful pair immediately had a tantrum, with Elmo chastising Aunty for destroying their favorite game and ensuring the summer break would be boring.
Vacuumed up by Aunty Nuke using her cancer filter machine, the mutant cancer foods were imprisoned within until Elmo, Evita and Aunty foolishly ventured within the device. Angry that she had tried to destroy them and had polyunsaturated them, they threatened to cover her carcass with carcinoma but she fought them off with a frying pan and fled. They pursued as she exited the machine and tried to follow, but she used a blender to turn them into a smoothy, then threw in six trash bags, causing the whole concoction to explode.
--Crazy Magazine I#78
The chemically preserved foods in the supermarket actively
encouraged Evita and Elmo to buy them once Aunty Nuke was absent, asking
if they wanted to buy some sodium nitrate and promising they were
government inspected. Though Elmo succumbed to their wiles and piled
them into the wagon, Aunty drove them back to their shelves, and though
they continued with the hard sell as she raced through the rest of the
supermarket she withstood their barrage.
--Crazy Magazine I#79
A farmer in a future where pollution had poisoned the land
and air, Farmer Brown guarded his tiny plot of fertile land with
determination and heavy weapons. When Aunty Nuke, Evita and Elmo arrived
on his land he was in the middle of shooting rabbits, but he swiftly
turned his gun in their direction, and might have shot them if it wasn't
for the distraction of an incoming attack by unidentified but apparently
human miscreants. After decimating those assailants with a missile
Farmer Brown turned his attention back to the time travelers, making it
clear he intended to finish them off so he wouldn't have to share his
meager crops, but the temporal trio hastily departed before he could
make good his threat.
--Crazy Magazine I#80
An apparently sentient oil slick, the ecological eyesore
(a description rather than name) prevented sea life caught in its
pollution from accessing the safer waters beneath it. When Aunty Nuke's
seismatic-smasher was deployed the eyesore was spurred into action,
lifting Aunty's boat, the Nautical Nuke II, from the ocean surface,
insisting that its pollution was a small price to pay to have future
energy and public television. However Evita disagreed, stating "not at
the expense of the fishes." Elmo suggested burning the eyesore, but
Evita favored the "Hot Chocolate Concept," and tried to skim the slick
off the surface with a giant spoon. The eyesore responded by grabbing
the spoon, retorting that the only things that could upset it were low
quarterly reports or an earthquake. As it said this last an earthquake
shook the waters, throwing the eyesore into the air a few feet off the
surface of the water. Seizing the opportunity, Aunty led the Kids in
swiftly catching the eyesore in a giant plastic bag, and she hauled the
complaining oil away intending to use it for fuel.
--Crazy Magazine I#81
Created by Evita's cloning machine, the miniature mamoths
ran amuck in Aunty's laundry room. One of the prehistoric pests smashed
her atmospheric radar scope, taunting Aunty that the "television" didn't
show any good shows. One of the mammoths asked Elmo about his can of
helium, curious as to what it contained, and when he informed the
pachyderm that its contents couldn't be seen or smelled, the mammoth
took up this as a challenge and had a long sniff. Seeing their
compatriot fall over acting inebriated the other mammoths demanded a
shot too, and soon they were all floating around the room, high as
kites. At Elmo's suggestion, Aunty then tied a few instruments to them
and Elmo shoved the mammoths out the window to act as weather balloons.
--Crazy Magazine I#82
When Aunty Nuke and the Gee Whiz Kids entered the Wac-Man
arcade game they were pursued round the game's maze by its monsters,
until Aunty blew the game up, taking the monsters with it.
--Crazy Magazine I#90
images: (without ads)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p23, pan0
(Aunty Nuke title)
Crazy
Magazine I#87, p24, pan1 (main)
Crazy
Magazine I#87, p25, pan3 (clearer view of apron and blouse
with nuclear insignia)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p23, pan1
(Aunty's cancer filter machine)
Crazy Magazine I#80,
p24, pan1 (spatiotemporal Mix-Master time machine inc.)
Crazy Magazine I#81, p24, pan1 (Nautical
Nuke II with Seismatic Smasher)
Crazy
Magazine I#89, p24, pan1 (coal excavating machine)
Crazy
Magazine I#77, p35, pan1 (Crazy Contest header)
Crazy
Magazine I#79, p23, pan4 (Elmo and Evita)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p24, pan1 (Elmo and Evita crawling)
Crazy Magazine I#86, p24,
pan1 (Elmo and Evita present Aunty
with her birthday cake)
Crazy
Magazine I#87, p24, pan4 (Evita on her detoxifier)
Crazy Magazine I#89, p25, pan6
(reshaped mountain)
Crazy Magazine I#78,
p24, pan2 (mutant cancer food)
Crazy
Magazine I#79, p24, pan5 (chemically preserved foods)
Crazy
Magazine I#80, p25, pan3 (Farmer Brown)
Crazy
Magazine I#81, p25, pan4 (Ecological Eyesore)
Crazy
Magazine I#82, p24, pan1 (cloning machine with miniature mammoths)
Crazy
Magazine I#90, p24, pan1 (Wac-Man monsters)
Appearances:
Crazy Magazine I#77-90 (October 1981-September 1982) - Susan Bissett
(writer), Steven Smallwood (art), Larry Hama (editor)
First Posted: 08/06/2020
Last updated: 08/06/2020
Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.
Non-Marvel
Copyright
info
All other characters mentioned or pictured are ™ and © 1941-2099
Marvel Characters, Inc. All Rights Reserved. If you like this stuff, you
should check out the real thing!
Please visit The Marvel Official Site at: http://www.marvel.com
Mutant cancer foods
Chemically preserved foods
Farmer Brown
Ecological Eyesore
Miniature mammoths
Wac-Man monsters