Real Name: Unrevealed; Nuke appears to be her actual surname

Identity/Class: Alternate reality (Earth-80360) human technology user

Occupation: Inventor, housewife 

Group Membership: Cousteau Society

Affiliations: Behemoth Jack, Crazy Magazine, Gee-Whiz Kids (Elmo, Evita), Obnoxio the Clown, Irving Nebbish, the Kinetic Kids (Beezer, Brisbaine, Leo, Timmy, Vedmar), Teen Hulk (Chester Weems)

Enemies: Chemically preserved food, ecological eyesore, Farmer Brown, miniature mammoths, mutant cancer food, Wac-Man monsters

Known Relatives: Unidentified husband, Elmo (nephew), Evita (niece) (see comments)

Aliases: Aproned Avenger 

Base of Operations: Her house, somewhere in the U.S.A.

First Appearance: (cameo) Crazy Magazine I#77 (August 1981);
    (full)
Crazy Magazine I#78 (September 1981)

Powers/Abilities: Aunty Nuke is a genius inventor, albeit more than a little...eccentric. She's able to invent any number of advanced devices, including time machines, despite her construction style appearing to consist of hammering at said inventions with tools inappropriate for the job at hand, such as ladles and frying pans. In inventing terms, she's "faster than a Cuisinart, more powerful than a hydrogen bomb, able to beat more eggs into a cheese souffle" and also "faster than a frog in a blender, stronger than dirt, able to eat more wheat germ than you can imagine." She also utilizes sesquipedalian and alliterative loquaciousness in all confabulations.


History: (Crazy Magazine I#78) - Aunty Nuke was once a mild-mannered housewife, but in her mid-life she began breaking away and taking off in the company of the Gee-Whiz Kids Elmo and Evita, and undertook a never ending battle to find truth and justice in the American Way, with the aid of a lot of mad science!

(Crazy Magazine I#80) - From distant galaxies to the planet Earth, all pervading evil forces cowered in their sinister shadows from the aproned avenger and the Gee-Whiz Kids.

(Crazy Magazine I#83) - Across the macroverse, the mutant minions of eco-evil in their artificially sweetened shadows cowered from the trio.

(Crazy Magazine I#81) - Aunty Nuke was a member of the Cousteau Society, and believed in keeping the ocean clean and other environmental concerns.

(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Aunty built an atmospheric radar scope to predict the weather since she didn't trust forecasts to determine when it was safe to dry a wash.

(Crazy Magazine I#77) - Aunty Nuke assisted Obnoxio the Clown, Irving Nebbish, Teen Hulk, Behemoth Jack and the Kinetic Kids in wading through the mountains of mail sent in as part of Crazy Magazine's Crazy Contest #1.

(Crazy Magazine I#78 (fb) - BTS) - Aunty Nuke let the Gee-Whiz Kids test her latest invention, presumably some sort of washing machine, by using it on them, literally putting them through a rinse cycle. Later, finding it tiresome to plan delicious meals around the nasty cancer reports from the F.D.A., Aunty Nuke built a cancer filter machine to banish all the cancers from her menus.

(Crazy Magazine I#78) - The Gee-Whiz Kids popped round to visit Aunty Nuke, but she failed to hear them knocking as she was hard at work on her latest invention (e.g. whacking it with a ladle), so they climbed in through the kitchen window. She gleefully explained its purpose, and the Kids volunteered to let her try it out on them. Agreeing that this was a wonderful idea, she vacuumed them into the cancer filter, but became concerned when dreadful screaming noises began emitting from the device and clambered inside determined to save her machine. She found the two children happily crawling around, but before she could reach them she was confronted by enraged mutant cancer food. While she was fighting these off the Kids made a run for it, with Aunty Nuke shouting after them that she would spank them once she caught up with them. The three humans exited the filter device, and before the pursuing cancer food get them Aunty used the blender on them and threw in six trash bags, causing a messy explosion that coated the room. Wanting to avoid having to help clean up the Kids swiftly departed while Aunty was still stunned on the floor.

(Crazy Magazine I#79) - Aunty Nuke and the Gee-Whiz Kids were in the supermarket, with Aunty doing her best to ignore the Kids incessant demands and concentrate on avoiding falling prey to the chemically preserved foods attempts to make her buy them. Entrusting the shopping kart to the Kids while she ran a quick errand, Aunty returned to find it now topped up with synthetic pathetic food that had taken advantage of the gullible Elmo to get added to the shopping. Annoyed, Aunty swiftly battled the intruders out of her kart, and in exasperation declared the children, now themselves seated within the kart, to be more active than Uranium-235 in nuclear fission. She warned the pair that if they wanted to live long enough to be mugged for their social security checks they needed to stay clear of erythobates, cyclamates, dehydrated sulfur dioxide doused foods, pointing out that besides being no fun, chemical indigestion could mean that one powerful belch might detonate their tiny bodies. Her warnings fell on deaf ears as she pushed the kart through aisles of canned and processed foods literally crying out to be bought. With the impressionable children clearly succumbing to the hard sell, Aunty bounced the kart off a shelving unit, temporarily silencing both Kids and cans, while she declaimed artificial flavors and colors and fancy gimmicks. However, as she entered what should have been the relative safety of the fresh produce aisle, she saw that the fruit and vegetables were irradiated to the point of glowing. Questioning if anything was sacred, once home Aunty began building a time machine so she could transport them back to when food was pure.

(Crazy Magazine I#80) - Having finished her spatiotemporal Mix-Master time machine, Aunty climbed into the bowl and informed the Kids of her intention to make tracks in the cosmic dust and travel back in time to when foods were organically grown and free of chemical additives. However Elmo and Evita were already atop the machine switching its setting from "yucky" past to future, believing it would hold neat things for them to see. Spinning rapidly as they traversed the timestream, Aunty shouted back that there were plenty of neat things to see at nice medieval farms, but as the machine came to a halt she realized the Kids had tricked her once again. In front of the Mix-Master was a man wearing a full-body environment suit blasting away at some rabbits with a futuristic automatic weapon, and screaming that they wouldn't outsmart "Farmer Brown" and steal his crops. Becoming aware of the interlopers he trained his weapon on them, telling them this was his farm and land. Aunty hastily responded that they had just come to see his vegetables, prompting him to point at his meager crop sitting amidst a crater-pocked landscape. When he informed the newcomers that these were all the vegetables left, and they were all his, Evita asked why he couldn't share, pointing out someone in the distance firing in their direction and suggesting those people needed food too. In response Farmer Brown retorted that they wouldn't once his missile hit them, and launched it. Shocked at the insane situation, Aunty questioned what kind of life this was, and Brown responded that it was survival. Ducking bullets flying by, Elmo tried to reason with Brown, querying if he ever got lonely, but Brown rebutted that he was too busy blowing people away to miss them. With the Kids having snatched up guns to return fire at the distant shooters, Evita paused to wonder if Brown missed getting presents on his birthday or Christmas. Unmoved, Brown blasted the attackers, noting that he didn't miss anything. With the attack over Brown turned his attention back to the time travelers, promising to finish them off so he could own everything. Aunty and the Kids hastily retreated to the Mix-Master, narrowly avoiding an explosion as they climbed in. Still cheerful, Aunty asked if the Kids had learned anything from the trip. Picking up a squidgy mess on the floor, the replied they had learned not to leave their Chocolate bars by the engines.

(Crazy Magazine I#81) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids out in her boat, the Nautical Nuke II, waiting until far out into the ocean to inform the disappointed children that they were there to clean up an oil spill rather than go scuba diving as they had hoped. She made Elmo hand crank her Seismatic-Smasher to dissipate the ecological eyesore, but whether caused by her device and Elmo's substandard effort or some other phenomenon, the oil slick revealed itself to be sentient and malevolent. It tried to attack them, but the kids deployed a giant spoon to skim the slick off the water's surface, aided by a timely (and seemingly coincidental) earthquake, and Aunty and the Kids then scooped the oil into a plastic bag. As it ranted in impotent anger at them, telling them they would pay for their actions, Aunty retorted that as she perceived it she would now have a free oil supply to last her aeons.

(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Evita built a cloning machine for a science fair, but it activated in Aunty's laundry room, inundating them with miniature mammoths. Aunty smashed the machine, declaiming it a bad idea since it could "multiplicate" clones with identical detestable traits, and ordered Evita to get the pests out her laundry room. Smart enough to talk, the mammoths smashed Aunty's atmospheric radar scope, deriding it for not picking up any good TV shows. However Elmo then tricked a mammoth into huffing from a Helium tank, causing it to all float like a balloon. Seeing their friend getting high, the others raced to follow suit, and once they were all airborne Elmo suggested Aunty use them as weather balloons until she could fix her scope. As Elmo launched them out the window, Aunty congratulated him for thinking of meteorological mammoths; holding Evita over her head, Aunty said she wished he could deflate "this darling dirigible." Elmo responded that it wasn't helium that was causing Evita's condition, but a swelled head.

(Crazy Magazine I#83) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids to a carnival, but they slipped away to watch TV with some bums in an alley, happy to use something that stopped them thinking. When she tracked them down by the smell of warm cathode tube, Evita tried to shift blame to Elmo, claiming he had made her watch it, while Elmo insisted he was only holding the TV for a friend. Aunty chastised them, saying they should go out and live their lives instead of wasting away in a dead-end alley. Resistant to the idea, Evita responded that if real life was on TV she wouldn't watch it, and that she wanted TV life to be real, but Aunty insisted the vacuous video viewer wouldn't want it to be real. Sure enough, seconds later the Kids zoned out as their minds slipped into a TV reality (see their sub-profile for details). Luckily for them Aunty snapped them out of this state, decrying their behavior as primordial. Back home Aunty sat knitting in her rocking chair in front of the fire, while the Kids sat on the floor behind her, Evita with her nose in a book and Elmo playing with a remote control gadget (not TV remote). With her back to the pair Aunty noted that she was happy they had given up television and decided to amuse themselves with their hobbies again, apparently unaware that Evita's book was on demolition and she had just lit the fuse to a roll of dynamite under the rocking chair, while Elmo had stuck a target on the chair's headrest and was now piloting a small missile right at it.

(Crazy Magazine I#84) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids to a park for a picnic, but fearing the surprise meal would turn out to be liver and egg sandwiches again Elmo and Evita snuck off to Burger Clown. Though Aunty soon noticed their absence and gave pursuit the Kids reached the restaurant before she could catch up. However, the food therein proved to be literal nightmare fuel (see the Kids' sub-profile for details), until Aunty Nuke came to their rescue, battling off the indigestible inedibles. The Kids agreed with one another that liver and egg sandwiches had to taste better than Burger Clown's food, and were horrified when Aunty announced a slight modification from their normal dietary program and produced burgers and fries from her basket.

(Crazy Magazine I#85) - Aunty Nuke took the Gee Whiz Kids to camp out under the stars in the Arizona desert, intending to show them the state's natural resources the next day while the sun heated the solar collector on their Autosun. However, when Aunty Nuke was woken the next morning by Elmo's dulcet tones demanding breakfast, the sunlight revealed that the entire desert had been converted into a gargantuan war supply warehouse, with the noses of countless missiles poking up through the desert floor. Aunty despairingly queried the fate of the natural vegetation and little native animals, until Elmo drew her attention to a nearby prairie dog colony...which moments later was launched skywards atop one of the missiles. Bemoaning the military madness Aunty Nuke packed the Kids into the car and suggested the could observe the fifty foot cacti at Saguaro National Monument. Evita demanded to see the Grand Canyon first, but Aunty ignored her, only to discover the fabled cacti were now more missiles now camouflaged as the desert blooms. Similarly they found the Grand Canyon housing yet more giant rockets, so Aunty Nuke took up Elmo's new suggestion that they visit an Indian reservation, believing that at least there they would be able to experience things as they used to be. To her disappointment it turned out the reservation had stopped selling peace pipes and arrow heads as pseudo souvenirs some time ago and switched to MX trinkets and war bonnet papooses, and yet more missiles were hidden under the teepees. With apparently the entire state one large missile silo, Evita noted that having so many missiles hidden all in one place seemed a dumb idea. They set off down the road with trucks hauling yet more missiles passing on both sides of the road. Elmo concluded they were just sitting ducks while on this missile range, to which Aunty Nuke suggested they evacuate before the land elevation they were on get dropped permanently below sea level, and drove them over the state line and out of Arizona.

(Crazy Magazine I#86) - Elmo and Evita surprised Aunty Nuke with a birthday carrot cake, much to her delight, though she did suggest it might have been even better had they chopped the carrots into more edible proportions, since the completely intact carrots were pulling themselves free from the cake in an effort to escape the raging inferno of candles atop it. Aunty opened Elmo's present to her, which turned out to be a "Galactical Good Guy Transport" miniature spaceship. After launching it to fly around the room under Elmo's remote control, Aunty opened Evita's gift, finding a Satellite Stella robot and her Dollhouse Dwelling. Seeking to demonstrate how the robot could walk, Evita activated it, but as it stumbled clumsily along it emitted a painful grinding klanking noise, prompting Elmo to derisively laugh at it "talking too." Evita broke into tears, upset that the toy was not how the commercials had made out, and Elmo taunted her, asking how Aunty was supposed to use the plastic robot to defend herself. Enraged, Evita retorted "Like this!" and smashed Elmo over the head with Stella. The Kids broke into a fight which Aunty defused by pointing out that "It's not the physical substance you obtain, it's the cerebration that computes!" (It's not the kind of present you receive, it's the thought that counts). With that she suggested they celebrate the day by visiting the Astro Amusement Park, but this only upset them more as they revealed they had borrowed a couple of months' allowance to pay for the gifts.

(Crazy Magazine I#87) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids downstream from several industrial plants that were dumping their carcinogenic waste into a tributary of the Niagra river so they could test Evita's new deterger-detoxifier and cleanse the waters. However Elmo refused to help, stating that they kept going places where he never had any fun. Declaring the garbage-filled water looked fine and that no one but Aunty was complaining about it, he sat down to fish. Aunty disagreed, insisting that if he looked more closely he would see the fish were marinating in mercury, and Evita taunted him that she would become famous when her machine succeeded. Over the course of two hours of unsuccessful fishing Elmo became increasingly jealous that Evita seemed to be having all the fun, riding around on her device. Meanwhile Evita's device was proving a success, and Aunty proudly informed Evita that she might get an article in either National Geographic or Scientific American. However Evita wanted to be featured in People Magazine and when Aunty denigrated the option, declaring that only egotistical eggheads pondered such ridiculous reverie, Evita decided she didn't want to clean up the river anyway and stepped down from her machine. Seizing his chance, Elmo immediately hopped on board shouting that he wanted to help Aunty, prompting Evita to fear he would claim all the credit for cleaning the river himself. However Elmo switched the deterger-detoxifier into too high a gear, and instead of cleaning it tripled the toxins, doubled the dioxins and multiplied the mirex. Some time later back at Aunty's house Evita checked out the newspapers which carried headlines "Toxic Terror" and proudly stated that she had informed and educated people about the Niagra pollution, and made them aware of her invention. Aunty Nuke agreed, in as much as the public were now aware that the deterger-detoxifier was more of a carcinogenic cataclysm than the chemical companies.

(Crazy Magazine I#88) - In April Evita commented on the burnt nature of Aunty Nuke's garden after a downpour, stating that she thought April showers were meant to bring May flowers. Glancing at the departing clouds, Aunty replied that it appeared that the combustion of fossil fuels had turned into acid in the rainstorm, hence the burned vegetation. Elmo didn't care, as he had discovered a metallic rainbow, another side effect of the pollution, and an argument erupted as Evita tried to take it from him. As another downpour began Aunty dragged the pair into the greenhouse, noting that she refused to breed acid-resistant plants; the Kids meanwhile argued over who would own the next rainbow to appear. Having a stock of lime on hand to neutralize acid in the soil, Aunty began shoveling it into a wheelbarrow, planning to launch it into the rainclouds to neutralize the polluted precipitation, but this upset Evita, who believed it would prevent her ever getting her own rainbow, and the child angrily insisted acidic and alkaline water was all the same. As Evita began crying, Aunty corrected her poor science, reminding her that she had taught her the difference between the two and about the PH scale, and as the acid began eating away at the greenhouse and Aunty created a gigantic catapult by nailing the ends of a huge rubber band to the greenhouse door frame, she instructed Elmo to calm Evita by giving her his rainbow, promising him the next one would be in color for him. Jumping into the wheelbarrow, Elmo agreed, but added the condition that he also had to get a pot of gold to go with it. This only annoyed Evita further, and she angrily decried it was unfair that Elmo got all the good stuff and she wanted a color one too. As Aunty strained to pull the wheelbarrow back in the catapult, Elmo taunted Evita, who shoved him backwards just before Aunty let go. Prevented from exiting at the crucial moment, Elmo was launched into the stratosphere with the wheelbarrow, leading Aunty to note her surprise as she hadn't realized Elmo held an interest in atmospheric conditions. The rain turned to snow, and Aunty commented that she would have to report the unusual phenomenon to the U.S. Weather Bureau; however Evita's attention was on Elmo, now sitting atop a cloud, and as she avoided a snowball he threw she responded to Aunty saying it was not an unusual phenomena but the usual nuisance, and that she would call the Armed Forces instead. 

(Crazy Magazine I#89) - Seeking an environmental means to remove coal from underground without blasting or mining, Aunty Nuke took funding from the government and coal industry and built a prototype extraction machine. She invited the Kids to accompany her on her test drive in a mine, during which Elmo suggested they dump the coal companies and go into business for themselves. When Aunty declined, stating that it was not a commercial venture but a joint effort between the carboniferous companies and environmentalists to protect the land, Evita translated this to mean they would get on TV instead. The two Kids conspired, Elmo driven by greed and Evita by her desire not to be kept in the shadows by Aunty's spotlight of successes, and together they lunged at Aunty to push her away from the controls and take over themselves. Shoved off the front of the machine, Aunty was run over into the thankfully soft earth, emerging a few moments later to find that the Kids fighting over the controls had reshaped the ground in front of the mine into giant effigies of themselves. As Elmo gloated about the money he hoped to make and Evita exclaimed that the giant heads would make for a great GEO cover, Aunty expressed the hope that they might get a natural catastrophe to preserve the mine from the delinquent pair.

(Crazy Magazine I#90) - Discovering that her molecular microcomputer mixer was missing Aunt Nuke deduced that the Kids had taken it to the arcade, and caught up with them after they had used her device to program themselves into the game Wac-Man. They dismissed her telling them they were wasting their sunny days inside a vacuous video game until they suddenly realized that by leaving the game controls outside they had no way to prevent the monsters stomping them. As they fled round the maze with creatures in hot pursuit Aunty used the mixer to reprogram the board, blowing the game up and returning the trio to reality. The ungrateful Kids berated Aunty for blowing up their favorite game, insisting the summer would now be boring, but Aunty countered that the real fun would be in reassembling and programming the game, which would give them an exciting summer to recount to their friends back at school.

Comments: Created by Susan Bissett and Steven Smallwood.

    While she doesn't state outright that Elmo and Evita are her nephew and niece, I'm running on the ASSumption that the reason they call her "Aunty" Nuke is because she is their actual aunt. Similarly, we never see a husband, but since she's described as once being a mild-mannered housewife, she had to be married at some point; maybe she was widowed or divorced before the series' start or maybe the husband was still around but just smart enough to stay out of the way while she was engaging in mad science, and thus avoided appearing on panel.

    Aunty Nuke's strip debuted in Crazy Magazine#78, but she made her first actual appearance the issue before in the header for a contest, appearing alongside all the other then-regular Crazy characters (but not Howard the Duck, who had a Crazy strip but began elsewhere).

Profile by Loki.

CLARIFICATIONS:
Aunty Nuke has no known connections to


Elmo and Evita

(Crazy Magazine I#78-90) - Elmo and Evita frequently visited Aunty Nuke and enjoyed playing with her inventions; sadly they were also as immature as their ages might suggest and often caused trouble through their selfish choices and frequent bickering.

(Crazy Magazine I#85, 87) - Elmo nicknamed Evita "Megamouth."

(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Despite her youth Evita was a scientific genius like Aunty, though this didn't ameliorate her inability to think through the consequences of her actions.

(Crazy Magazine I#78 (fb) - BTS) - Aunty Nuke put Elmo and Evita through the rinse cycle of one of her devices.

(Crazy Magazine I#78) - Elmo and Evita visited Aunty Nuke to find her finishing work on her new cancer filter machine. Elmo stated that he wished they could help, adding that if he and Evita had cancer should could test the device out on them. Pronouncing this a wonderful idea Aunty vacuumed both children into the machine, but followed a few moments later fearing for her machine. The kids meanwhile crawled around inside cheerfully agreeing that it was fun when Aunty let them help with her experiments, and was definitely more fun than going through the rinse cycle like last time. Ignored by the mutant cancer foods within, they abandoned Aunty to fight them off alone, prompting her to shout that she would brighten their tushies tomato red when she caught up with them. Racing to keep ahead of Aunty, Elmo shouted back to Evita declaring Aunty the greatest, because who else would try and save them from getting cancer? They all exited the machine and Aunty blew it up stopping the cancer foods from following. Glancing at the resulting mess, Elmo and Evita made a hurried exit before the stunned Aunty could recover and make them help clean up.

(Crazy Magazine I#79) - The Kids accompanied Aunty to the supermarket, where Evita harangued Aunty for a chance to help shop while Elmo threw a strop demanding to ride in the wagon. When Aunty foolishly entrusted the pair with the kart for a moment while she nipped to another part of the store, the processed food around them began clamoring to be added and Evita began checking Aunty's shopping list, declaring she would help Aunty shop; insisting he would show her how it was done, Elmo went into a whirlwind of action throwing everything within reach into the kart. With it full to overflowing he proudly declared he didn't need any sissy list to shop, but Evita retorted that Aunty wouldn't like what he'd added to the kart. Sure enough, moments later Aunty returned, literally beating back the synthetic pathetic food and telling it to hit the shelves. Elmo immediately declared that he had told Evita not to let them jump in the kart but she had claimed Aunty had said it was okay. Evita burst into tears at this blatant blame shifting and called Elmo a liar. Aunty tossed the pair into the kart, with Evita still protesting her innocence and Elmo simply pleased that he was getting a ride after all. As she raced along seeking to evade the processed foods that were now crying out "Buy me! Try me!" Aunty warned the Kids against falling victim to them, but the Kids ignored her, Evita enamored of all the pretty packaging and Elmo demanding coupons. Aunty stood firm though, banging the wagon off the shelves to stun the Kids until she reached the fruit and vegetable section. However, upon seeing it full of irradiated food she took the Kids home and began working on a time machine.

(Crazy Magazine I#80) - Aunty finished her new time machine and stated her intention to take the Kids to the past, but before she could Elmo switched its setting to take them to the future, which he deemed more interesting. They found it a desolate wasteland, bar the tiny farm they landed on. The owner, Farmer Brown, threatened them with his gun, and informed them that the meager crops were all his. Spotting seem people in the distance, Evita asked why he didn't share with them, even as the newcomers opened fire. While Brown launched a missile Evita had a look inside the farmer's nearby tank, then both kids grabbed up guns to join in shooting at the attackers until Brown finished them off with heavy artillery. As he turned his murderous attention back towards the time travelers, the Kids and Aunty rushed back to their time machine and hastily departed.

(Crazy Magazine I#81) - The Kids accompanied Aunty out in her boat but were upset to learn that she intended to have them help clean up an oil slick rather than go scuba diving. Aunty made a disgruntled Elmo hand crank her seismic-smasher to break up the slick, while Evita berated him for not doing so swiftly enough, insisting it was his fault they wouldn't get to go in the water. However the device drew the ire of the slick, which threatened the boat and tried to justify its existence. Disagreeing that the benefits the slick outlaid were worth the damage to the fish, Evita rejected Elmo's suggestion of burning the oil in favor of trying to skim it off the water surface with a giant spoon. This failed to work but when an earthquake dislodged the slick from the water temporarily, the Kids helped Aunty quickly scoop it up into a plastic bag.

(Crazy Magazine I#82) - Evita built a cloning machine for the upcoming science fair but it unleashed a horde of miniature mammoths into Aunty's laundry room. Evita proudly proclaimed that she intended to go into the "sinuses" (sciences) when she grew up, as she had a "purchase" (purpose) in life, to clone all the "in-dangered feces" (endangered species). Aunty told her this was a bad idea and instructed her to remove the mammoths, but Evita resisted because they were the result of her prized experiment. However Elmo convinced the mammoths to inhale helium, causing them to float round the room, and then suggested Aunty use them as weather balloons. Evita warned Elmo that she wouldn't let him abuse the animals, but he launched them out a window anyway, while Aunty held the pride-filled Evita over her head.

(Crazy Magazine I#83) - While attending a carnival Elmo and Evita spotted some tramps watching television in an alley and slipped away from Aunty to join the hobos. Aunty soon tracked them down, and wasn't fooled either by Evita laying the blame on Elmo or Elmo claiming he was only holding on to the set for a friend. Aunty warned them to live their lives instead of wasting them, and when Evita insisted she wished TV was real life, Aunty told her she wouldn't want it to be real. Seconds later both kids' eyes developed lines across their vision, and Evita despaired that Aunty might be correct, because she was losing her horizontal hold. Elmo was unconcerned though, telling Evita to relax as this always happened the first time you were on TV. The shocked Kids found themselves suddenly in the midst of a shoot-out between Obnoxio's clowns and the rival gang consisting of Star Trek's Spock, I Dream of Jeannie's genie Jeannie and police detective Kojak. Deciding it might be safer to go to the Kiddy Kar ride, the Kids switched channels to appear in the path of racing trucks, cars and stagecoaches, with all three sets of passengers shooting at them. Running in terror Elmo declared it was time for a commercial break while Evita wailed at him to change the channel, blaming him for their predicament and calling for Aunty Nuke. The pair continued to freak out at their surroundings until Aunty Nuke suddenly brought them to their senses, albeit still in a state of terror. Evita continued to blame Elmo for showing her television, but both Kids eventually calmed down once back at Aunty's. Evita sat down to read a book about explosives while Elmo played with a radio control device; Aunty sat in her rocking chair, happy they had returned to better hobbies and apparently unaware that Evita had planted dynamite under her seat while Elmo was piloting a missile at the back of her head.

(Crazy Magazine I#84) - Fearing Aunty's food choices, Elmo and Evita made a dash for a nearby Burger Clown when Aunty took them out for a picnic. Making it inside before Aunty could catch up with them, they gleefully accepted free clown hats and noses but when they entered burger boulevard Elmo rejected the horsemeat burgers in disgust, while Evita decried the greasy gray food. Deciding to try a malt from the vanilla and chocolate malt fall, Elmo found it to consist of yucky watery ice milk, rather than real milk and ice cream. Trying to cross the malt river they were confronted by sentient burgers and fries; Elmo noted they were covered in sugar and told Evita they needed to get out of there, but the "food" insisted the kids couldn't go until they had eaten. Evita began crying and blaming Elmo for talking her into coming there, but as the pair were swept up in the rising malt waters Aunty came to the rescue, wading in to beat back the indigestible food. Returning to the picnic, the Kids were horrified when Aunty produced burgers and fries for them out of her basket.

(Crazy Magazine I#85) - Aunty Nuke took the Kids camping in the Arizona desert. Trying to sleep under the stars Elmo was kept awake by Evita pouring dirt in his ear, and he threatened to smash her face if Aunty didn't make her stop. When Aunty was woken the next morning by the Kids requesting breakfast, she saw to her dismay that the desert had been turned into a missile silo, with the noses of countless nukes sticking out the ground. However Elmo excitedly spotted a prairie dog colony, just in time for them to witness the hapless rodents launched into orbit atop a firing missile, much to Evita's distress. As Aunty hastily packed them off in her car, stating they would visit the cacti at Saguaro National Monument, Evita bawled that she had been promised a chance to see the Grand Canyon first, complaining that she already had enough pictures of "cactuses." Calling her a megamouth, Elmo retorted that if she wanted to see a Grand Canyon she should just look at her face in the rear view mirror, and the began fighting in the back seat. Evita was placated when they finally visited the Canyon, but Elmo declared himself bored; as the two women stood at the Canyon's edge he hacked away at the ledge they were on with a pick-axe, suggesting they take a closer look, and demanded to see Indians. Upon discovering that even the Indian Reservation was being used to hide missiles, Evita proclaimed it a bad idea to hide so many missiles all in the one place (Arizona, not the reservation), stating that even Elmo wouldn't be that dumb. The trio fled the state, with Elmo proclaiming themselves "sitting ducks on this missile range" as they passed between 18-wheelers carrying yet more missiles.

(Crazy Magazine I#86 (fb) - BTS) -With Aunty's birthday approaching the Kids borrowed a couple of months' allowance to buy her gifts.

(Crazy Magazine I#86) - Evita made Aunty Nuke's favorite carrot cake for Aunty's birthday, though she failed to chop up the carrots into edible proportions resulting in them surviving the baking process and making a mass escape attempt once the conflagration of candles atop the cake were lit. Elmo warned Aunty to open his present first, before she ate some of the cake, or else this would be her last birthday (the wording makes it hard to say whether he was threatening her or suggesting the cake was so bad it would poison her), enraging Evita. His gift proved to be a Galactic Good-Guy Transport toy spaceship, with which Elmo stated she could now protect the universe from Terrestrial Trobots. Aunty declared his present sweet, but as the spaceship took to the air Evita derided it as stupid. Aunty then opened Evita's gift, a Satellite Stella doll and its Dollhouse Dwelling. Eager to demonstrate her gift's walking ability, Evita pressed its activation button, but was mortified as it clumsily stumbled forward accompanied by the sound of grinding gears. Rolling round in laughter, Elmo taunted Evita by describing the noise as the doll talking, and Evita became distraught that the doll's performance didn't match the version in the adverts. While Aunty tried to calm Evita, Elmo continued his gibes, stating that the doll was wimpy, and querying how a plastic droid could protect Aunty from Trobots; Evita promptly demonstrated how by smashing Elmo over the head with Stella. The pair began throwing things at one another, until Aunty intervened, telling them that it was the thought that counted rather than the present, and suggesting she take them to Astro Amusement Park to celebrate. However this merely upset them more, as they recounted how they had borrowed the money to buy her gifts.

(Crazy Magazine I#87) - After Evita built a deterger-detoxifier, Aunty took the Kids to a tributary to the Niagra River downstream from multiple factories dumping their waste into the water to test the devices's ability to clean up the pollution. Already bored, Elmo declared that Aunty never took them anywhere fun and sat down to fish, insisting the visibly toxic water was perfectly fine. Aunty vocally disagreed, and Evita seized the opportunity to taunt Elmo that he could sit and rot with the smelly, contaminated fish while she would become famous once her machine was successful and would get her face in the newspapers. Elmo sat sulking for two hours as Evita rode around on her detoxifier, gleefully yelling its success, but when Aunty let slip that she thought Evita would get a write-up in serious journals but not People Magazine, the disenchanted youth decided she couldn't be bothered cleaning up the river after all. Making a dash for the abandoned detoxifier, Elmo began riding it, ignoring Aunty's warnings that he was driving it too fast and so increasing the toxins rather then neutralizing them. Worrying that Aunty would clean up the river and Elmo would claim all the credit, Evita demanded in vain that he dismount her device. A while later, back at Aunty's house, Evita proudly pointed out the front page newspaper articles mentioning both her and her invention, though Aunty was quick to point out that this was because they were picturing her under the headline "Toxic Terror."

(Crazy Magazine I#88) - Noticing that Aunty's vegetable garden was burned following a downpour, Evita asked quizzically about the veracity of the saying that April showers brought May flowers, and Aunty informed her that pollution had turned the rain acidic. Meanwhile behind them Elmo had discovered a rainbow turned solid metal by the unorthodox precipitation. After using it as a slide, Elmo made it clear he didn't care about the damage done, since he had his prize and thought it would be worth a fortune. Evita immediately informed him that he couldn't have it since she wanted it, and the fight might have escalated had it not begun raining again. Elmo gleefully predicted this would give him another rainbow, ignoring Evita's protestations that the next one was hers. They took shelter in the greenhouse, where Evita had a tantrum upon hearing Aunty's plans to neutralize the acid rain, believing this would deny her to have her own rainbow, and she angrily insisted their was no difference in the rain whether it was acid or alkaline. She was deaf to Aunty's attempts to correct this flagrant rejection of science, so Aunty tried to calm her by telling Elmo to give Evita his rainbow, promising Elmo that the next one would be in color for him. As Elmo agreed on the understanding it would also come with a pot of gold at the end, he jumped atop the wheelbarrow that Aunty had been loading with lime to neutralize the acid. Evita was no placated by this compromise, noting she wanted a color rainbow too, and the two exchanged taunts while Aunty prepared to launch the wheelbarrow using a large elastic band. Distracted by their row and pushed back into the wheelbarrow at the crucial juncture, a surprised Elmo was launched with it into the clouds, but as the rain turned to snow when exposed to the lime, Elmo made the best of things by throwing snowballs down at Evita, who suggested Aunty call the Armed Forces to shoot him down.

(Crazy Magazine I#89) - Aunty dragged the Kids up a mountain to test out her new environmentally-friendly coal excavating machine. Evita got excited at the prospect of becoming famous if it successfully revolutionized the mining industry, but Elmo became obsessed at the idea of keeping the invention for themselves and going into business, foreseeing riches. When Aunty countered that her machine was not intended for commercial gain, Evita interpreted this to mean they would be on public TV instead. Elmo decided that the coal companies didn't own the mountain and he wanted to claim what was beneath it, while Evita reasoned that she was tired of being always squashed in the shadows of the spotlights of Aunty's successes, so the pair joined forces to oust control of the vehicle from her and shoved her out into its path. The delinquent pair gleefully ran Aunty over (into the thankfully soft ground) but argued over who should drive, their wild shenanigans ultimately reshaping the mountaintop into gigantic busts of themselves, much to both Kids' delight.

(Crazy Magazine I#90 (fb) - BTS) - Elmo and Evita pinched Aunty's molecular microcomputer mixer and took it to the arcade, where they used it to enter the virtual world of their favorite game, Wac-Man.

(Crazy Magazine I#90) - Aunty soon tracked them down, finding them happily running around the game's maze pursued by its monsters, but when she tried to convince them to depart Elmo told Evita he was tired of her telling them what to do and convinced Evita to watch the monsters stomp Aunty. Though initially agreeable to this, Evita noticed the flaw in Elmo's plan when she realized that since Elmo had left the controls outside they had no way of stomping the rapidly approaching menacing monsters themselves. The Kids fled in terror, crying out for Aunty to figure out a way to save them before they were caught and electronically frazzled. In the nick of time Aunty used the mixer to blow the game and its monsters up, leaving the trio sitting unharmed in the wreckage. The ungrateful pair immediately had a tantrum, with Elmo chastising Aunty for destroying their favorite game and ensuring the summer break would be boring. 


Mutant cancer foods

Vacuumed up by Aunty Nuke using her cancer filter machine, the mutant cancer foods were imprisoned within until Elmo, Evita and Aunty foolishly ventured within the device. Angry that she had tried to destroy them and had polyunsaturated them, they threatened to cover her carcass with carcinoma but she fought them off with a frying pan and fled. They pursued as she exited the machine and tried to follow, but she used a blender to turn them into a smoothy, then threw in six trash bags, causing the whole concoction to explode.

--Crazy Magazine I#78 


Chemically preserved foods

The chemically preserved foods in the supermarket actively encouraged Evita and Elmo to buy them once Aunty Nuke was absent, asking if they wanted to buy some sodium nitrate and promising they were government inspected. Though Elmo succumbed to their wiles and piled them into the wagon, Aunty drove them back to their shelves, and though they continued with the hard sell as she raced through the rest of the supermarket she withstood their barrage.

--Crazy Magazine I#79 


Farmer Brown

A farmer in a future where pollution had poisoned the land and air, Farmer Brown guarded his tiny plot of fertile land with determination and heavy weapons. When Aunty Nuke, Evita and Elmo arrived on his land he was in the middle of shooting rabbits, but he swiftly turned his gun in their direction, and might have shot them if it wasn't for the distraction of an incoming attack by unidentified but apparently human miscreants. After decimating those assailants with a missile Farmer Brown turned his attention back to the time travelers, making it clear he intended to finish them off so he wouldn't have to share his meager crops, but the temporal trio hastily departed before he could make good his threat.

--Crazy Magazine I#80 


Ecological Eyesore

An apparently sentient oil slick, the ecological eyesore (a description rather than name) prevented sea life caught in its pollution from accessing the safer waters beneath it. When Aunty Nuke's seismatic-smasher was deployed the eyesore was spurred into action, lifting Aunty's boat, the Nautical Nuke II, from the ocean surface, insisting that its pollution was a small price to pay to have future energy and public television. However Evita disagreed, stating "not at the expense of the fishes." Elmo suggested burning the eyesore, but Evita favored the "Hot Chocolate Concept," and tried to skim the slick off the surface with a giant spoon. The eyesore responded by grabbing the spoon, retorting that the only things that could upset it were low quarterly reports or an earthquake. As it said this last an earthquake shook the waters, throwing the eyesore into the air a few feet off the surface of the water. Seizing the opportunity, Aunty led the Kids in swiftly catching the eyesore in a giant plastic bag, and she hauled the complaining oil away intending to use it for fuel.

--Crazy Magazine I#81 


Miniature mammoths

Created by Evita's cloning machine, the miniature mamoths ran amuck in Aunty's laundry room. One of the prehistoric pests smashed her atmospheric radar scope, taunting Aunty that the "television" didn't show any good shows. One of the mammoths asked Elmo about his can of helium, curious as to what it contained, and when he informed the pachyderm that its contents couldn't be seen or smelled, the mammoth took up this as a challenge and had a long sniff. Seeing their compatriot fall over acting inebriated the other mammoths demanded a shot too, and soon they were all floating around the room, high as kites. At Elmo's suggestion, Aunty then tied a few instruments to them and Elmo shoved the mammoths out the window to act as weather balloons.

--Crazy Magazine I#82 


Wac-Man monsters

When Aunty Nuke and the Gee Whiz Kids entered the Wac-Man arcade game they were pursued round the game's maze by its monsters, until Aunty blew the game up, taking the monsters with it.

--Crazy Magazine I#90 


images: (without ads)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p23, pan0 (Aunty Nuke title)
Crazy Magazine I#87, p24, pan1 (main)
Crazy Magazine I#87, p25, pan3 (clearer view of apron and blouse with nuclear insignia)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p23, pan1 (Aunty's cancer filter machine)

Crazy Magazine I#80, p24, pan1 (spatiotemporal Mix-Master time machine inc.)
Crazy Magazine I#81, p24, pan1 (Nautical Nuke II with Seismatic Smasher)
Crazy Magazine I#89, p24, pan1 (coal excavating machine)
Crazy Magazine I#77, p35, pan1 (Crazy Contest header)
Crazy Magazine I#79, p23, pan4 (Elmo and Evita)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p24, pan1 (Elmo and Evita crawling)
Crazy Magazine I#86, p24, pan1 (Elmo and Evita present Aunty with her birthday cake)
Crazy Magazine I#87, p24, pan4 (Evita on her detoxifier)
Crazy Magazine I#89, p25, pan6 (reshaped mountain)
Crazy Magazine I#78, p24, pan2 (mutant cancer food)

Crazy Magazine I#79, p24, pan5 (chemically preserved foods)
Crazy Magazine I#80, p25, pan3 (Farmer Brown)
Crazy Magazine I#81, p25, pan4 (Ecological Eyesore)
Crazy Magazine I#82, p24, pan1 (cloning machine with miniature mammoths)
Crazy Magazine I#90, p24, pan1 (Wac-Man monsters)


Appearances:
Crazy Magazine I#77-90 (October 1981-September 1982) - Susan Bissett (writer), Steven Smallwood (art), Larry Hama (editor)


First Posted: 08/06/2020
Last updated: 08/06/2020

Any Additions/Corrections? please let me know.

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